Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
Greetings, in the name of the Lord. My wife and I are both approaching 50 years; we have been married for over 20 years and have five grown up children.
I can confess that my wife has been faithful to me throughout our marriage though I once disappointed her many years ago, when I impregnated a girlfriend.
My wife has repeatedly told me that she has never slept with any other man in her life except me up to this day. My worry is that recently when we were having a pillow talk, she told me how many housewives, among them her friends are unfaithful to their husbands, and then she shocked me when she said that she was beginning to feel like it is normal for human beings to cheat.
She based her comments on the fact that almost all women and men have had more than just one sexual partner in their lives. What does her thought mean? Isnâ€™t this a sign that she could be feeling left out on something and now wants to try another man for sex? How should I treat her now, in light of such intentions?
ANS: Dear sir, thanks for your effort to get through to Godly counsel. It is encouraging to know that your wife of more than 20 years has been faithful since you tied the knot. She needs a pat on her back.
Indeed it raises a lot of questions than answers. I should hasten to suspect that some of it is coming from her â€˜wrongâ€™ friends. The Bible warns, â€œBad company ruins good morals,â€ (I Corinthians 15:33-34). She might be receiving wrong advice from her married friends who may not see anything wrong with promiscuity.
The other reason could be that she might be experiencing the â€˜mid-life crisisâ€™. Mid-life crisis affairs happen when men and women are in their late thirties and forties. Thereâ€™s a pattern to them. Like I alluded to last Sunday, they usually happen in a marriage where there is little spousal interaction. Maybe the couple does everything as a family. When the children in the family grow older, the spouses become vulnerable. It could be that in your case with your wife.
Living promiscuously is not normal but dehumanising. God causes us to live dignified marriage lives. We are called upon to honour marriage and keep the bed undefiled, (Hebrews 13:4-5).
The way forward for you is first appreciate your wife for being faithful, woman of integrity, concern and care for you. Then advise her to stop associating and interacting with bad company. Encourage her to associate with God-fearing women from church.
Concerning the issue of â€˜mid-life crisisâ€™ engage in more spousal interaction. Come up with a schedule how you can interact more together and go for outings – to go on a date, laugh together and have fun. Your grown children will one day be gone. What is left? How will you fill an empty house and hours of silence? Through friendship, the powerful bond that will keep you connected through each season of joy and grief. Itâ€™s worth working toward now! Blessings!
My girl does not want to kiss
I am man aged 25 and in a relationship and love with a girl of my dreams. The matter is that before we started our journey we agreed on these terms that no sex until marriage. Everything was alright until the past three weeks. That is when she started forbidding me from kissing or hugging her. She said that she does not like it when we kiss or hug. At first everything was fine and I have been planning to pay pride price but with this she leaves me with doubts, please help.
ANS: Brother thanks for your text. Your beginning was founded on good terms which I believe everyone should support. I do not see anything wrong with your partner advising you to stop kissing. You might have started very well by creating boundaries which I feel you have now crossed.
Perhaps you have been kissing intimately and she has sensed danger in that hence rebuilding the walls you have broken. Your partner is looking for respect from you. She is acting in a dignified manner as a God-fearing Christian.
Brother, really if you are serious with marriage, neither a kiss nor hug should discourage you from cultivating a deeper relationship with your partner. If you really love (I Corinthians 13:4-7) this woman nothing should stop you from paying bride price. Her stance should not cause any worry to you. These are minor issues you can discuss over a cup of coffee. Go on and do what you can to make your relationship workable. Blessings!
Is my age suitable for me to start dating now?
I am a woman aged 18 and there is a man aged 24 who wants us to start dating. Is my age suitable for me to start dating now? I am doing my Grade 12.
ANS: Dear sister, there is nothing wrong for you to date a man aged 24 but since you are still at school it is vital that you first complete your school and go to either college or university. The expectation of every parent for his child is to get educated before he or she can think of dating issues. If you start dating now, you may be derailed from your studies. It is better you concentrate on studying for a bright future. Men have a tendency of giving huge but unfulfilled promises which end up in disarray. For now date your books and in future it will pay. Blessings!
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Tip of the Week
Marriage: Couples remember to interact more together and go for outings – to go on a date, laugh together and have fun to maintain marriage bliss. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile, letâ€™s continue interacting via email email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.