Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
How are you pastor? I am a man aged 26 and living on the Copperbelt.
My father irritates me a lot for three reasons namely: I gave him 12 wedding invitation cards to give his workmates but told them not to come to my wedding to deprive me of presents.
I have a child who is now 4 months old but he has never come to see the child because he is not happy with my marriage.
Other reasons he does not like my marriage are that I did not buy him a suit to wear on my wedding day. When I promised to him buy one this month-end, he refused.
The pastor who officiated at my wedding questioned if he was not happy with the marriage. Should I divorce and marry another woman of his choice? What can I do?
ANS: I am fine thanks brother and congratulations. I feel the issues you have raised here should not cause a storm in the cup.
Your father’s not being happy with your marriage, his failure to visit to bless your newly born baby, his workmates failure to attend your wedding, should not be much of a bother to you.
These issues should not curtail your happiness and joy of marriage. (Nehemiah 8:10).
Your father should be able to understand that organising a wedding is no minor venture.
The wedding is expensive and therefore needs a huge pool of money. The groom is the one expected to invest a lot of money to make things happen in a more decent manner.
There are lot of things to consider before venturing into organising a wedding. What comes from the organising committee and financial pledges is nothing to talk about.
The key player is the groom who foots most of the bills – wedding attire, accessories, transport, venue for reception and many others. For your father to try and add his ‘wedding’ suit on your budget is an unnecessary burden. It is like trying to squeeze milk from a poor fed cow.
Wedding ‘make ready’ is the time that every member of the family should chip in and contribute every small coin to lighten the groom’s burden and make the event successful.
It is sad, to learn that even after the wedding and despite your pledge to buy him a suit, he is still taking an uncompromising stance.
What is wrong with your dad? Is it really the suit he wants or there is something else you do not know or you are hiding from Godly Counsel?
Whatever the reason behind his stance, I suggest that you use the pastor who solemnised your wedding ceremony to broker peace between you and your father.
Your pastor is the right person to understand the real reasons behind the stance that your father has taken.
Talk to your pastor about it and ask him to have an audience with your father and explain the importance of a forgiving heart.
Earthly things like a suit should not destroy important relationships. If he refuses to take the route the pastor will propose to him, leave it there and allow time to bring healing in his life. One day he will come to his senses.
In the meantime, continue focusing on building your marriage and the future of your son.
Be convinced that you made the right choice to marry the woman of your dreams. I do not think your father holds your joy of marriage, rejoice and again I say rejoice. (Philippians 4:4) Blessings!
I and hubby disagree, fight about everything
I hope you and family are fine. I and hubby disagree and fight about almost everything – money, the in-laws, sex, who does what and so on. Is there anything wrong with our union? Are we incompatible to one another? What is wrong with the two of us?
ANS: Dear lady, I and family are fine thanks. For me it is not about why you fight but how well do you fight? It’s not about incompatible or wrong union.
Conflict sometimes seems like a necessary evil in marriage. Do not be deceived, all couples disagree about something – money, the in-laws, sex, who does the laundry, and so on.
Yet one thing I’ve learned over the years in my marriage and counselling with others is that what you fight about is far less important than how you fight.
Some of my arguments with my wife (especially early in our marriage) were about petty things like how much to spend on an extension cord, whether or not to answer the phone (before caller ID).
Although the subject of our disagreements is usually pretty minor, the way we fight about it is crucial to the health of our relationship.
You as a couple can do incredible damage to the trust and safety in your relationship even as you both argue about what kind of toothpaste to buy.
Name calling, criticising each other’s character, bullying with threats, or even a pattern of appeasing in order to avoid conflict will leave a lasting impact on the relationship far after the issue in question has been resolved.
You can deal with the consequences of just about any decision as long as you build trust rather than chip away at it in the process of coming to a decision. Even with the big issues, the process is far more important than the outcome.
Many marriage casualties lie in the work of good people, so invested in winning the argument that they have lost the big picture of love. Conflict always presents choices.
But remember what you are really fighting for and how well you disagree and fight. Blessings!
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I am a man aged 35, looking for virgin female friends aged 23-62 without children, real Christians, God-fearing Catholics or UCZ. Call 0979-307667.
I am a lady aged 48 looking for a serious Christian professional man in a stable job aged 52-60, mature, tall and sober, ready to settle either Copperbelt or Lusaka. He must be ready to undergo medical tests. Only those who meet these standards need to respond to 0955-471496.
I am man aged 49 working in simple garage looking for a single woman with child or none, ZAF, ZNS or any civil servant. 0973-361648.
TIP OF THE WEEK
Marriage: In the midst of conflict, do not lose the picture of love. Blessings!
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