HOW WE MET with MIKE MUGALA, Lusaka
A MERE greeting at Lusaka’s Chipata township Reformed Church in Zambia (RCZ) eventually grew into a serious friendship and eventually marriage.
Today, Aziph Banda and Delpher Ngoma are celebrating 16 years of living as husband and wife.
“I knew her as a member of our church and never at any point did I think that we would one day become husband and wife,” Aziph says.
He told Delpher that he wanted to be in a relationship with her in 1995 on a Sunday at church. Before that, they just engaged in some small talk. But he had started developing feelings for her the moment they had greeted each other.
“Just after greeting her, I developed feelings for her and I planned that I was going to talk to her the following Sunday,” he said. He believes she also had an idea that he wanted to talk to her the following Sunday.
“She came with a mathematical problem and wanted me to help solve it. When she went back to school on Monday, she got the question correct and later came to request that I should be helping her with academic work,” Aziph shared. “I accepted because I knew everything was working to my advantage.”
From there, matters developed naturally and the two started dating and spending most of their time together, especially on weekends.
Delpher loved the way Aziph was treating her and started looking at him as a potential husband.
“I lost my both parents at a tender age; Aziph filled the gap my parents left. He used to care for me like my parents would do, he also encouraged and motivated me to work hard and this made me think he would make a good husband,” she explained.
In 1998, Aziph proposed marriage but Delpher told him a condition to wait for her to complete her secondary education as she was in Grade 11 at the time.
“It was a dream come true and an answered prayer for me when he proposed marriage,” Delpher says.
With that, they continued seeing each other until November 24, 2001 when the two got married.
For Aziph, the wedding day was the happiest moment in his life as he was also celebrating his birthday.
“My experience in marriage has taught me that love for each other is vital; misunderstandings are always there but people must have time to communicate and pray together,” he says.
“Marriage is a gift that was given to man to enjoy life, and people in it must be willing to make it work. People in marriage must endeavour to stand by each other’s side when they are going through difficult times.”
Delpher believes that women must always submit to their husbands and not compete with them.
“A marriage must not be a 50-50 affair, the Bible commands a woman to submit to her husband. Marriage is a sweet thing and not shipikisha club as other people say,” she says.
Delpher is of the view that a husband and wife must become best friends and always communicate if their marriage is to work.
She describes her husband as a loving, understanding and committed Christian who is also her pillar and source of strength.
“My husband has a good heart, if I were asked to re-marry, I would still go for him,” Delpher says.
She has advised young ladies not to go for the wealth or social status of a man but his heart and potential.
Her husband agrees.
“Most people like looking at the outward appearance of a person as opposed to what is in the heart,” Aziph says. “Both young men and ladies must take their time to know their partner before they enter into a marriage.”
He says it is misleading to young people to refer to marriage as a shipikisha club.
“My wife is a loving, caring and hard working woman who has always been there in my most difficult times,” he says.
The couple has four children: Anna, Grace, Cecilia and Aziph Junior. Aziph works for Standard Chartered Bank North-end Branch while Delpher is a business woman.
“My prayer is that we should raise our children and grow old together,” Delpher says. “I can confirm that my husband meets all the qualifications I wanted in a man 100 percent.”