Gender Gender

‘Learn to love yourself enough’

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
THE fear of being alone makes most people to tolerate a lot from their partners.
I know of a man who has been dependent on his wife for a long time, such that she treats him in whatever manner that suits her but he does not complain.
She is the breadwinner and her spouse has no say over her actions. He actually has taken up the role of a mother to their children, as he pays more attention to them (children) than his wife does.
When he complains, she reminds him of how she settles the rentals, children’s school fees and the general running of the home.
In the hope of finding consolation, the man has taken to the bottle and he spends most of his time at a nearby pub. However, he rushes home when he realises the wife is about to return home from work.
However, the ‘situation’ in their marriage had not always been bad. The man used to make money during the time his business was thriving. He used to spoil his wife by lavishing her with whatever she requested for.
But now that the shoe is on the other foot, things are different. The man is not happy but he hangs on for the sake of his children.
On another note, following the write-up entitled ‘When a woman forgets where she came from’, which appeared on June 27, I received a reaction from a woman who only identified herself as Ms Traumatised, and she writes:
Dear Doris,
I read with sadness the story that you ran on Wednesday, June 27, about how women forget where they come from. This is because as a woman, I found myself in a totally opposite predicament. I was engaged for four years. During our second year of courtship, my partner lost his job and could barely sustain himself. What was worse is that he could not finish paying my bride price. Being the loyal partner that I was, I felt obliged to help my partner during his time of need. I believed then that had the tables turned, he would have done the same for me.
I did not leave him but stood by him. He was jobless for about two years, during which I was providing almost everything for his upkeep.
I chose not to cohabit with him as this was against what I believe in. He managed to find a very good job in our fourth year of courtship. This excited me as it meant that he could now finish paying the bride price and we could finally get married.
Two months after his employment, he made a small payment towards the bride price but shockingly a week later, I caught him red-handed with another woman in his house.
The woman appeared to be even more successful than myself. She even drove a bigger vehicle. He literally showed me how he did not love or value me anymore by chasing me from his house like a dog.
I was so traumatised and needed psychiatric counselling for almost six months. To date, I still have not heard from him, neither have I received an apology for using me and wasting my time.
I write this letter still filled with so much bitterness, pain and regret about how heartless some men can be and how they also easily forget the women who stood by them during their most trying moments in life. As it is, I have lost all manner of trust and faith in men.
Regards.
That is it for the week.
Until next week.
Let’s keep in touch,
dkasote@daily-mail.co.zm

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