Gender Gender

It’s hard to remain a virgin

Can we help? with PASTOR & MRS BANDA
I READ the advice you gave to Destiny last week. I admire her courage and determination to remain a virgin until she is married. I am a 20-year-old girl and I am in a relationship with a 23-year-old guy. Although I think it is a good idea to abstain until one is married, I think the pressure to indulge seems to be greater. Although I have not given in yet, I am not sure how long I can resist the temptation. How can a young person like myself remain a virgin when all my friends seem to be indulging in premarital sex?
SHERRY
Dear Sherry,
We commend you for seeking advice before giving in to the temptation to indulge in premarital sex. This is a very good starting point to victory.
Yes, we agree with you that we are living at a time when sex has been both liberalised and commercialised by society. We are made to believe that it is okay to indulge ourselves sexually as long as we do it safely and our actions do not harm others.
If you are going to keep your virginity until you are married Sherry, you need to be driven by very strong principles, which cannot be swayed by the popular beliefs that promote promiscuity.
Many young people try to maintain their virginity for various reasons. Some of these include: I do not want to disappoint my parents; I do not want to disappoint myself; I do not want to get pregnant; I do not want to get a disease; I do not want to disappoint my church, etc.
All these are good reasons but they are not strong enough principles and so they can easily crumble under intense pressure.
You need to have a higher and stronger conviction for abstaining. The Bible gives us examples of young men and women who were able to withstand temptation of all sorts on account of the principles they held. Let us look at an example of a young man called Joseph, who was sold as a slave by his own brothers and he found himself working in the household of a high ranking official by the name of Potiphar. Joseph was a very handsome young man and he soon caught the attention of Potiphar’s wife. Let’s find out what happened next.
Genesis 39:4-10 CEV says Potiphar liked Joseph and made him his personal assistant, putting him in charge of his house and all of his property. Because of Joseph, the Lord began to bless Potiphar’s family and fields. Potiphar left everything up to Joseph, and with Joseph there, the only decision he had to make was what he wanted to eat. Joseph was well-built and handsome, and Potiphar’s wife soon noticed him. She asked him to make love to her, but he refused and said, “My master isn’t worried about anything in his house, because he has placed me in charge of everything he owns. No one in my master’s house is more important than I am. The only thing he hasn’t given me is you, and that’s because you are his wife. I won’t sin against God by doing such a terrible thing as this.” She kept begging Joseph day after day, but he refused to do what she wanted or even go near her.
Joseph was under intense pressure to give in to the demands of Potiphar’s wife. He was not only a foreigner but he was a slave. And Potiphar’s wife was a very powerful woman. Joseph equally had his own sexual desires to contend with.
But he stood his ground. Look at the reasons that made him stand his ground. We find these in verse 9. Firstly, sleeping with her would be sinning against God. Secondly, this is what made it such a terrible thing. If you read on, you will discover that Joseph suffered greatly as a result of his refusal to sleep with her.
This, dear Sherry, is what will empower you to withstand sexual temptation. A firm belief that there is a God who created us and who has given us the rules of how we ought to conduct ourselves in every sphere of life. A conviction that true happiness will only come when we obey this God and when his favour is upon our lives. All this arising from a personal relationship with him. Everything else does not matter.
Young people whose lives are governed by such godly principles have discovered that they can abstain until marriage.
Surrender your life to God, Sherry, obey him and you will experience fullness of life!
RELATIONSHIP TIP
In trying times, remember your wedding vows, ‘for better, for worse’.
For comments or questions, please send to raphaelandnamukolo@gmail.com or
pchilufya@daily-mail.co.zm



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