YOUR FAMILY MATTERS with PASTOR CHANDA
FRIDAY, February 10, 2017: Valentineâ€™s Day is around the corner and so my mind is on the subject of love and romance, as I am sure many other peopleâ€™s minds are. Do we really have a choice when all the business houses are forcing us to think about this subject?
For many Zambians, whose marriages are more than 10 years old, Valentineâ€™s Day is business as usual. The tap of romance dried up long ago. Love in the home was squeezed out when babies began to arrive. They took centre stage and became the sole objects of love.
Thus Valentineâ€™s Day is left to young couples that are still trying to impress one another. They are the ones who probably spent last week hopping from shop to shop hunting for â€œsurpriseâ€ gifts to give their spouses. The more expensive, the more the surprise!
Valentineâ€™s Day is even more special for courting couples. They have recently entered the arena of love and so their hearts are still in love. They need to impress each other and thus woo each other to the wedding altar. So, Valentineâ€™s Day is the biggest day on their calendar.
I think that the biggest mistake both courting and newly married couples can make is to reduce romance to Valentineâ€™s Day. Marriage is meant to be romantic. It is meant to be romantic 365 days a yearâ€¦and 366 days in every leap year. I am very serious about this.
If oneâ€™s definition of romance is equal to sex then obviously that becomes impossible. Apart from changes in libido levels, there is the fact that you cannot be together everyday even if you are a married coupleâ€¦and sex cannot happen unless you are in the same room.
Romance and sex must never be interchangeable words. Thus, courting couples that are not married can enjoy romance. In fact, many people look back to their courtship days as the most romantic days even though they had moral principles that kept them sexually pure.
This coming Valentineâ€™s Day there will be many courting couples who will enjoy a very romantic day that will not end with sex. That is how it should be. Sex must commence on your wedding night. To start before is to eat dessert before you eat the main course.
This is important to understand because I fear that many young people who are in courtship will by carrying condoms with them â€œjust in caseâ€ pressure mounts for sex. They feel guilty about simply saying, â€œNo!â€ to a request for sex until the wedding night.
Romance should be for everyday of the year. Every courting or married person must seek to go beyond duty when it comes to relating to the person they are courting or married to. They should do things to their partner that says, â€œI love you,â€ beyond mere words.
Of course, words are important. We have too many married couples who do not remember the last time they heard the words, â€œI love you,â€ from their spouse. That is terrible. It is the most basic level of romance. Such words must not be left to courting couples.
Then there is the warm embrace and the holding of hands. There is something that God has put into the tight squeeze of a hug that cannot be substituted by anything else. Holding your spouseâ€™s hand as you sit together or lie together in bed is so reassuring.
We can add to this the surprise gifts. Again, they need not be expensive but they still speak of romantic feelings. This is especially the case when they are bought without any cause that the receiver can think about other than love. They are truly romantic.
Another romantic activity is simply doing things together. Cooking together. Going out together, even if the outing does not include an expensive dinner. You can go out to visit mutual friends. Simply being with someone you love is a most romantic experience!
So, romance should not be limited to Valentineâ€™s Day. Perhaps let it be the apex of your efforts at having perennial romance in your courtship and marriage. It is those who enjoy romance 365 days a year who will find this coming Valentineâ€™s Day exhilarating.
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YOUR FAMILY MATTERS with PASTOR CHANDA