Gender Life and Style

Advice to women on what to expect from a man

ACTRESS Jackie Appiah plays a battered woman.

EMMANUEL MUKULA is a life coach and advises people especially women on what to expect from a man. Women are usually his audience because, unlike men, they easily open up. This week I feature him as he continues to remind women that staying in an abusive marriage is not worth it.
He writes:
WOMEN who stay in abusive relationships should be helped and not criticised by society.
Oftentimes, society makes conclusions as to why such a woman would tolerate to be abused.
Sometimes society will blame the victim for the trauma she is going through by making assumptions. These assumptions may range from the victim being labelled as one who worships a man, allowing to be treated badly, having a low esteem, to the fear of walking away.
It is important to look at the problem holistically and try and reach out to these victims to pull them out of such relationships. Certainly, no one enjoys to be abused.
Some women are not financially sound so they entirely depend on their spouses. They fear to start life anew, with no idea where their next bread and butter will come from.
This is the more reason I always emphasis on the importance of women being empowered. Once empowered, one can be able to stand on their own. It may not be as ‘rosy’ as where you are coming from but you will be at peace and enjoy your life. Ultimately, you will not fear what next your man will do to you which is either abuse you verbally or physically.
Most women out there have endured unhappy marriages because once they walk out of this union; the wife will be seen as having failed to keep her marriage.
Victims of abuse are certainly not happy with what they go through, no normal person would be. They may experience embarrassment and isolation. They will not talk about it because they might become laughing stocks in society. They smile even when they are going through emotional or physical pain.
It is rather sad that some of these victims do not even get help from friends and family.
Some abusers who are also possessive and jealous tend to drive the woman’s family away, thus she remains in her own miserable world.
In the hope of seeing a better tomorrow, at times victims blame themselves for being mistreated and describe the abuser as being generally a good man.
It becomes the order of the day to blame the abuse on alcohol or that the man is being stressed at work.
The trend of making a woman believe that having an abusive husband is better than being a single woman should come to an end. Women have been made to believe that their worth is dependent on having a husband.
Women who are in abusive relationships should ask themselves, is it worth it? As long as it is tolerated, the man will continue mistreating you because you have given him leeway to do so. Please leave.
Until next week,
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