Columnists Features

Will I ever be married?

Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
Dear pastor,
I AM a woman aged 29, single and without a child. I have had a series of disappointments. All my friends are married. I do take care of myself, but I do not know where I go wrong where relationships are concerned.
I am tired of being a laughing stock and relatives asking when things are happening. I would love to get married, but I’m afraid of facing yet another disappointment.
Sometimes I ask myself whether I meet wrong men or a curse – was I not destiny for marriage? I do not know what destiny has in store for me. Will I ever find a man to marry me?
ANS: Sister, will you ever be married as a woman? Yes, and very soon. Child of God, do not be pessimistic, but optimistic. The Bible says, a righteous person shall fall seven times but shall rise again. (Proverb 24:16). The series of disappointments should not discourage you in any way, but rather make you stronger to soldier on.
Every person is created as a unique entity therefore, no need to compare with others who seem to have gone ahead of you in life. Does it mean that when everyone else is getting married you too should? I do not think so!
When you constantly compare yourself to the seemingly ‘like ones’ next door, you’re going to make yourself more miserable. Just as we were born at different dates so are our opportunities in life. God has a lot of good plans for us, plans not to harm, but to give us an expected future (Jere 29:11).
Stop blaming yourself and entertaining evil thoughts about your failure to find the right man. God makes everything beautiful in His Time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11, I Samuel 2:1-7). Your past disappointments should be treated as water under the bridge. (Galatians 3:13). Your time will soon come just have a positive mind about yourself. A bright future awaits you madam. Blessings!
***
What happens when expectations are shattered?
Dear Pastor,
What happens when your expectations are shattered by reality? What happens when the marriage made in heaven comes face to face with hell’s fire?
ANS: Well madam, as Christians, we expect our marriages, our spouses, and our children to be wonderful. Honestly, many of our expectations for marriage differ greatly from reality. They differ, especially when it comes to God’s expectations. God’s ways and thoughts are always different from ours. (Isaiah 55:8-9).
We expect our spouses to always listen, remember important dates, love us unconditionally, remain faithful, never forsake us, and live forever. As Christians, we expect to somehow avoid the visitation of trial, tribulation, calamity, or worse tragedy. We also expect that when troubles hit, we will rejoice, forgive, and carry on with praise.
Truthfully, these harsh challenges are designed to inspect the foundation on which our marriages stand. Contrary to popular opinion, they are often allowed by an omniscient God. It is perplexing to comprehend that God would permit trouble to invade, upstage, and hold us captive to dire circumstances. Remember Job? Job Chapters 1 and 2, 27:2-5). Blessings!
***
Is it good to date someone with child?
Dear Pastor,
I am girl aged 16 and in love with a man aged 18, who has one child. Is it good to date someone who has a child? Instead of him supporting a child he is supporting me. Please help.
ANS: Well sister, there is nothing wrong dating a man with a child. In your case, the issue should not be the man with child, but your future. At your age you have a long way to go in life. If you are still going to school it’s advisable you first concentrate on school then later come and think of a relationship.
If I may ask where is the mother of the child of your boyfriend? You need to know where the mother of the child is and why this young man has dumped the other girl despite having a child with her.
The fact that your conscious is not free to receive his support appears to me you are in an awkward relationship which I feel should not continue at this point in time.
Occupy yourself with other constructive activities which will help build up your future. Blessings!
***
‘My boyfriend has stopped calling’
Dear Pastor,
I am a woman aged 20 and I have been dating a man for a year, but suddenly he has stopped calling or even beeping me. Whenever I call him, he always says I should send him air time and it’s too much. Please help me what to do.
ANS: Sis, thanks for your text. You have the right to be concerned about your boyfriend’s attitude. In my view, this man lacks seriousness and commitment to your relationship. Your boyfriend seems to have switched to another lady.
If at this stage of your tender relationship he cannot find airtime to communicate with you, I do not think he will ever be responsible even after marriage.
My advice to you sister is to inform him of your decision to back off this unfruitful relationship. Do not waste your resources and time on the ‘project’ you know is unattainable.
For now be tactful and truthful to let him know you have made up your mind to leave him alone. Do this and you will be at peace. Blessings!
***
Love lines:
Dear Pastor,
I am a lady aged 35 with one son looking for a single man aged 45-50, God fearing with at least 1 or 2 children, stable job within Lusaka and ready to settle. 0977-340174.
Dear Pastor,
I am lady aged 35 year looking for a God fearing man to settle down with. 0973-643422.
Dear Pastor,
I am a young Kafue man looking for a lady to marry. 0960-150423.
Dear Pastor,
I am a single lady aged 22 with one child looking for a husband. 0972-076475.
Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 24 looking for a serious lady marry, a grade 12 certificate holder aged 18-23. Serious ones WhatsApp me 0974-527470 or text 0967-588342.
Help lines:
Dear pastor,
I am a male pupil aged 17, at Hill Crest Technical Secondary School, doing Grade 11, looking for help towards my school fees. I only managed transport money. My father who is in the rightful position of providing has been bed ridden for quite some time now. Since my mother passed on he has never recovered from his sickness. Please well-wishers help me in any possible way. Contact me on 0966-512380.
Tip of the Week
Marriage: Harsh challenges are designed to inspect the foundation on which our marriages stand. Don’t give up! Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.

Send Your Letters

Facebook Feed

Ad1