Gender Gender

Wife, children come first before family

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
LAST week I focused on a man who was married to a woman whose relatives had ‘invaded’ his space in the home. Regardless of how much he complained to his wife, she did not heed to his advice of allowing the family to have family quality time without necessarily always having her relatives walking in and out of their house.
He did not mind being visited but his concern was the rate at which they visited. To a point where the family never had some peace and quiet.
His wife was the darling of the family until he lost his job.
This story attracted some comments from the menfolk. The men I had a chat with said some men do not draw the line between relatives from either side with their own. What such men want is to be glorified by relatives as being very good men.
One of the men said he has made it clear that just as much as he respects and loves his family, it be from his side or his wife’s side, his children and wife come first.
He said men who allow situations where their children and wives come second need to deal with the problem they create.
He said in such instances, men’s relatives feel they are at par with a wife, a practice which should be discouraged.
In the quest of fighting for recognition and authority, a wife and her in-laws tend to be at loggerheads because her in-laws view the woman as a hindrance to how they used to relate with their brother, at the same time the wife wants her place to be felt and respected.
The man who is also a marriage counsellor, said the culprits are usually sisters to the man who always want to be in competition with their sister-in-law.
When a man marries, relatives should know their boundaries and know how far they can go.
Some of these in-laws even neglect their homes to cause grief to their sister-in-law.
Family is important but when two people become husband and wife, their union should be respected and no-one should over-step their boundaries.
Each family member, it be from the wife or the husband should know their place in relationships. Once this is observed, there will be no pulling and pushing to misplace the other in their rightful place.
Besides, when two families come together after marriage, they should live as one. Each family member should know their place for harmony to prevail.
Until next week:
Let’s keep in touch;
dkasote@daily-mail.co.zm

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