Couples Editor's Choice

‘My wife becomes moody at bedtime’

Dear Pastor,
I AM a man aged 36 married to a 33-year-old beautiful lady who I love so much. We are both faithful to each other as we are Christians. I give my wife enough support. We have been married for 17 years and we have three children. The problem with my wife is that when it’s bedtime, she changes her moods, sleeps with clothes in bed and for me to have sex with her I have to plead with her many times. I have reported this to her relatives and she has been talked to but she is not changing. This frustrates me so much. What shall I do?
ANS: Brother I thank you for your text. This is a common problem that many couples grapple with. Several men have complained about this in counselling sessions and in couples meetings. However, I know of two couples whose marriages hit a snag but after counselling are now enjoying their marriages again.
Common reasons I gathered from those I counselled are that men tend to do things alone such as budgeting, buying household goods, food and almost spending family money on non-essential things. In such scenarios women feel left out and the only way to hit back is denying men their conjugal rights. When excluded from family activities, women say they appear useless and wonder why they should only be important during sex time.
If you have spoken to her relatives and they have done their part but to no avail, then you are the one who should do an introspection to see where you are going wrong and immediately change. That way you will see how blood will flow smoothly in your marriage. If you want to prove this wrong or right, try to involve your wife in all your plans, budgets, decision-making, and once in a while, take her out for lunch or dinner. When you get paid bring the money home and plan together. Don’t just demand for sex. When you do that she will feel very important and when it comes to issues of sex it will be automatic; no pleading at all. Further get talking the whole day to prepare her psychologically, don’t just jump into bed and expect things to happen. If you follow this and your beloved wife remains the same then that will be a spiritual problem that will need spiritual attention. (I Corinthians 7:1-5). Blessings!
Impregnated by married man
Dear Pastor
I have been dating a married man for the past four months without me knowing. When I found out about his family, I was already pregnant. He started spending late nights out, and because of this, I told him I was going to abort the baby because that was the only way to keep his wife from leaving. Before I went ahead with my plans. His wife discovered about our relationship and fought with her husband and left the house with two children. I am feeling mad and guilt that this happened. I am willing to do anything to make the two reconcile and become a family again. Advise how I should proceed with this issue.
ANS: Thank you for writing to Godly Counsel. I have laboured in this column to admonish young people to abstain from illicit sex – any sex before marriage. Sometimes your behaviour as a woman exposes your desperation. How can you in four months of dating allow yourself to fall pregnant? How can you rush for sexual intercourse before you even know the man well? If I were you I would not accept sexual proposals from a man until something tangible is put in place. You can see the havoc your decision has caused in your life and this man’s family. Had you waited long enough to know the background of the man, this could not have happened. If indeed you have come back to your senses step aside from that marriage and encourage the man to go back to his wife and children. As an intruder, and to clear your conscious, you should appeal to your rival to get back to her husband and also apologise to her for the pain you have caused in that family. Let the man remember to be responsible for the pregnancy.
My former husband wants us to reconcile
Dear pastor,
I am a mother of two and divorced for two years but during the divorce time he married another wife in the same month but now he wants us to reconcile because his new wife uses bad words on him. Help me please pastor.
ANS: Mother of two thanks for your text. It is a pity that your marriage ended that way. What really transpired in your marriage? What caused your separation? What did your husband see in the other lady which he never saw in you for him to run away? Your husband appears to be selfish for he wants to eat with both hands! What have you done to please him and win his heart back? Anyway, the ball is in your court to make a wise decision considering what you have gone through in the past two years. Then second you should not just look at what will benefit you but your two children as well. Decisions we make should not only benefit us but also the people around us – children and relatives who have been supportive during your separation. So give him a benefit of doubt and reconcile. Before you reconnect, agree to go for voluntary counselling and testing at your nearest medical centre so that you can live positively and healthy. Blessings!
Our parents do not want us to marry
Dear Pastor
I refer to the above sub-heading in your last column. I do not agree with Lube’s assertions that the two should marry. Let him refer to Leviticus 18:1-30.
Timothy Mulenga.
ANS: Thanks Timothy for your opinion. More views are welcome on the subject. Blessings!
Love lines
Dear Pastor,
I am lady aged 50, with two children and work as security radio operator. I am looking for a husband older than me with a good job, positive status only serious person to call. Contact 0978-392176.
Dear Pastor,
I am single man aged 37 looking for a serious single lady (not pretender) aged 28-32. Interested call 0977-944573.
Dear Pastor,
I am a single man and father of two looking for a serious lady interest in me aged 40 call 0966-411212 or text.
Tip of the Week
Marriage: Before you get into serious business of marriage get to know the background of your fiancée. Courtship and dating provide opportunity to know each other well before you can eventually marry. If, contrary to your expectation, you discover some unpleasant things, politely discontinue the relationship to avoid future headaches. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email  or or sms 0967/0955-778068.

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