Columnists Features

Why the many spouse killings, divorce cases?

MUMBA Mwansa.

“I AM getting married!” has become the norm among a number of young ladies. However, this is becoming synonymous with “we are getting divorced!” Just what is happening in our generation?
The recent stories of women killing their husbands and boyfriends and vice versa, and the high number of divorce cases being disposed of in our country make sad reading. What has happened to communication in relationships? Or is it that in this generation, marriage has simply become a show-off such that we don’t care much who we get married to so long we are married?
Recently, the Lusaka Province local court office revealed that a total of 8,552 divorce cases have been heard between January and September this year in Lusaka. And an average of 17 divorce cases are disposed of daily while 340 cases are recorded monthly.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear of such stories of divorce and killings is that there was lack of communication between the couple such that the two could not reason together.
Communication has been said to be a very important component of any relationship; be it husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, parents and children, and the like. This is because lack of it normally leads to assumptions and these assumptions tend to be negative towards the other partner.
Assumptions are not made overnight, they begin to accumulate in one’s mind because of the way one partner behaves towards the other. Unfortunately, once one partner cannot hold the assumptions in place in his or her mind, they simply explode, taking actions that they obviously do regret later on.
I feel with improved communication between couples, such stories of killing each other would definitely reduce. This also brings me to the fact that some men may be too dishonest to their partners.
Yes, the Bible in Ephesians 5:22-32 states that a man is the head of a house and should be an overseer in a home while women are supposed be submissive to their husbands. The two have been commanded to love each other. However, it seems some of our men have chosen to misunderstand this phrase and they instead tend to become dishonest towards their wives, who in turn become violent. This is another factor that has contributed to the increasing number of spouse killings and divorce cases.
Like I have stated in my preamble, it seems the norm of being called a Mrs X is also a factor leading to the increased cases of killings and divorces. Why do I say so? Almost every woman dreams of getting married someday, and society tends to exert more pressure on women when one attains the age of 25 and above. Majority will begin to ask questions such as: “When are you getting married?” or “Your former classmate or your friends are married, when will you get married?”
This, I feel, is the reason why many women tend to get married to any man who comes their way and proposes marriage, just so they become Mrs X, too, and society feels satisfied.
But there is a danger in such relationships. The couple, who in most cases turn out to be incompatible, will begin to face challenges in their marriage such that they even fail to resolve them because, probably, their relationship is not built on love and commitment.
Therefore, with increased challenges in such marriages, the couple tend to become so agitated that if they do not resolve their problems, they end up in a situation where one kills the other or simply get a divorce.
How then can we as a country fight this vice of spouses killing one another and also reduce on the number of divorce cases?
The first step all couples need to take is work on their communication skills and be open with each other. With good communication, homes will experience love and peace.
Secondly, there is need to engage God in our relationships so that when the devil tries to tempt a spouse to take evil actions, the Spirit of God could provide the strength to overcome the temptation.
Lastly, I would like to urge my fellow women not to rush into getting married based on wealth, society pressure, age and such like; but to base their marriage decisions on love, commitment and God.
Let us fight this evil spirit of killing each other and that of resorting to divorce whenever faced with marital challenges.
The author is a Zambia Daily Mail sub editor.

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