Columnists Features

When sex worker grabs household goods as collateral

TORN APART with BOYD PHIRI
THERE’S a widely held belief in the hood that a man is never mocked for adultery. In local parlance they say, ‘Mwamuna sibamupunda hule’ or ‘Ubuchende bwa mwaume tautoba ing’anda’.
Over the years this belief has encouraged some men to indulge their carnal appetite leading to a catchphrase ‘importing’, in reference to the act of bringing in a prostitute home.
In most cases, some men choose to bring sex workers to their matrimonial homes when their wives are visiting parents in the village or out of town on business.
Perhaps this is why some men take keen interest in knowing the exact day their wives would return home.
Of course, it’s important for one to know how much indiscriminate mingling he can tolerate at home before the missus returns.
But not everyone in the hood gets away with it, not least in relation to the payment for sex to a prostitute in one’s matrimonial home.
A certain man in the hood had a lot of explaining to do recently, especially after a sex worker grabbed his wife’s valuables as collateral after failing to pay for sex.
It’s a funny thing about sex – how it makes one feel he is enjoying life – how it makes man lose his IQ – how it creates enmity between a sex worker and her client.
Call it getting intimate with a problem, when his wife returned from her trip, she discovered that her microwave and some earthenware were missing from her kitchen.
Obviously, she ruled out losing the items to kaloba, especially that she was not in the habit of borrowing money from loan sharks in the hood.
The last time she gave away one of her kitchen utensils was during her niece’s kitchen party a year before.
Of course, the microwave was not one of the items she gave her niece as a present at the kitchen party.
If they were stolen by thieves in the night, certainly her husband would have reported the incident to her, she thought.
But fortunately, when she pressed for answers from her son who had remained home with his father, the truth came out.
Her 10-year-old son revealed that his father used to bring different women home at night and on one occasion she heard him arguing with one of the sex workers over money, after which she went into the kitchen and got some items as collateral.
Of course, things can get worse if one promises to pay-as-the-sex worker leaves only to find that there is no money to pay the ‘import’ after making a roll in the hay.
At that point, his wife had no choice: she grabbed a cooking stick and chased him around the yard shouting, “I don’t want to see you here, go to your prostitutes and bring back my property. Hule ya kanthumale kanthumale prostitute.”
In his plea to his wife, he stated that his having had sex with a prostitute while she was away should not create any ill-will between them.
Obviously, she ruled out losing the items to kaloba, especially that she was not in the habit of borrowing money from loan sharks in the hood.
The last time she gave away one of her kitchen utensils was during her niece’s kitchen party a year before. Of course, the microwave was not one of the items she gave her niece as a present at the kitchen party.
If they were stolen by thieves in the night, certainly her husband would have reported the incident to her, she thought.
But fortunately, when she pressed for answers from her son who had remained home with his father, the truth came out.
Her 10-year-old son revealed that his father used to bring different women home at night and on one occasion she heard him arguing with one of the sex workers over money, after which she went into the kitchen and got some items as collateral.
Of course, things can get worse if one promises to pay-as-the-sex worker leaves only to find that there is no money to pay the ‘import’ after making a roll in the hay.
At that point, his wife had no choice: she grabbed a cooking stick and chased him around the yard shouting, “I don’t want to see you here, go to your prostitutes and bring back my property. Hule ya kanthumale prostitute.”
In his plea to his wife, he stated that his having had sex with a prostitute while she was away should not create any ill-will between them.
Of course, he wanted his wife to buy into the idea that “mwamuna sibamupunda hule’.
Actually, with the help of her sister, she managed to hound her randy hubby out of their matrimonial home. He has since asked his neighbour to keep his clothes wrapped in a plastic bag while he is planning where to go next.
How he is going to bring back his wife’s property grabbed by the sex workers is anybody’s guess.
I am told she is trying to build a wall, sorry, sue him to court for divorce to prevent him from giving away kitchen utensils in exchange for sex with prostitutes.
Truth is, sex workers don’t accept cheques and promisory notes. A promisory note is a signed document containing a written promise to pay a stated sum to a specified person at a specified date.
Obviously, the man did not expect the sex workers to accept promisory notes while they went hungry in the hood.
Besides, I have never heard a sex worker telling a bank manager that she does prostitution, which is why she deposits cheques from her clients every day.
However, if the saying that a man is never mocked for adultery is anything to go by, the enstranged husband would be called back home by the wife, after returning property given to prostitutes as collateral, of course.
bjboydphiri@yahoo.com

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