Columnists Features

What is wrong with couples of today?

DEAR pastor,
I hope my text finds you in good health. I text to appeal to you through this forum to advise young couples to lead peaceful marriages like our parents did.
Of late, there is a lot of violence in marriages; spouses killing each other as if they were forced to live together by their relatives.

As we were growing up, we never saw in our parents what we are witnessing today. What is wrong with young couples of today?

ANS: Friend, it is indeed perplexing to see what is happening in the young couples of today. I totally agree with your observation.
As we were growing up, we saw our parents loving each other, working as a team of two, even in disciplining of children, they were united and spoke with one voice.
In my own view, issues fuelling trouble may include lack of enough preparation for marriage, lack of mutual respect for each other, lust, selfishness, love of material things and immaturity.
The major ingredient that seems to be lacking from these marriages is love. Love between a man and a woman flourishes in its highest form and reaches its greatest potential within bonds of God’s covenant of marriage.
In pure and candid language, the Song of Solomon instructs, expounds and extols love between a husband and wife.
God makes a strong statement that sexual intimacy is not a lower or base instinct to be suppressed or overcome. Rather, His intention is for sexual intimacy within marriage to be fulfilling, passionate and exciting.
For peace and unity in marriages, couples have an epic task to work to remain friends with their marriage partner.
God’s intention for us is to be both best friends and lovers. Intentionally, plan time to get away together to help you remain faithful to each other.
Guard vigilantly your thoughts, emotions and actions and aggressively resist temptation. Keep your seal, your word and your promise of enduring love unbroken as long as you both are living.
Embrace one another freely, tenderly and lovingly. Intimacy reaches its greatest expression in marriage as a husband and a wife embrace each other without barriers between them.
Learn to speak the language of love. Build up each other verbally and it will cause each of you to be more secure in your relationship and improve your life.
I’m giving up on my marriage
Dear pastor,
I’m almost giving up on my marriage. I feel my husband is allowing his relatives to control the marriage – he is doing everything they say.
I love my husband but I cannot continue. I am considering divorce, please help me.
ANS: Dear lady, thank you for your text. It appears to me most marriages are at crossroads.
Wait a minute! Before you give up on your marriage, you have mentioned that you love this man, therefore use your love to win his heart.
Leaving your family of origin doesn’t mean turning your back on your parents, or blaming them for all your struggles.
Rather leaving, according to the Genesis 2:24 understanding of the term, entails fully transferring your loyalties from your family to your spouse.
Leaving sounds like it would be a relatively easy step to take. You simply do what is necessary to move out and establish a residence somewhere else.
Remember, leaving means to leave all past loyalties – that implies breaking the bond from everything and everyone that has at one time in your life had a hold on you.
The man needs help, and indeed serious help to get weaned from his relatives.
The vows he made were to leave his family and cleave to you as his wife for life. If your husband is a ‘boyish’ or ‘babyish’ kind of husband, before you give up on your marriage, consider seeking counsel from marriage counsellors who presided over your pre-marital counselling for a refresher course, especially in the area of leaving and cleaving to his wife to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Blessings!
Can we have Godly marriage?
Dear pastor,
My husband at first sight appeared to be a Godly man and having married in church of believers, I concluded that I had married an angel.
How can we have a Godly marriage, conflict-free, no finger pointing, and loving our in-laws?
ANS: My dear sister, thanks for your interesting question. When we are all in church we are angels – Godly men and women!
But when we are out, you will be amazed to discover what sort of beings we are, only God knows who we are!
May I draw your attention to this one fact, this world is damaged by sin – we live in a sinful world (Romans 3:23).
Expecting to marry a ‘Godly man’ is a far-fetched dream. It is wishful thinking and heartbreaking at the same time.
Even marriages which seem to have been made in heaven: Sarah and Abraham, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Leah/Rachel, had their own challenges, not small but big ones.
Remember the Sarah-Hagar-Abraham saga? (Genesis 16). If you want a problem and conflict-free marriage, you have to shift from earth and live in heaven where peace and tranquillity reign.
However, coming to your question, faithfulness, verbal affirmation, friendship, romantic gateways, working through conflict and availability are but a few of the keys given in Song of Solomon to building a godly and strong marriage.
We are invited to move from the mind set of ‘me’ and ‘mine’ to ‘we’ and ‘ours’. When two people become one flesh, their union is mental and emotional, as well as physical.
Work at becoming one in all aspects of life together (Genesis 2:23,24).
Recognise that conflict and misunderstanding can arise over the issue of being sexually unavailable to one another.
Talk through any conflict. Do not give each other the silent treatment or run from the problem at hand.
Work towards a loving compromise that is pleasing for both of you (1 Corinthians 7:5).
Verbally express your love to your marriage partner in positive and creative ways. Blessings!
Love lines:
Dear pastor,
I am a lady aged 21 with a child looking for a serious man to marry. 0950-217906.
Dear pastor,
I am a lady aged 36 looking for a life partner aged 40-45. 0974- 158840.
Dear pastor,
I am a man aged 29, father of beautiful daughter, looking for professional lady to marry aged 18-22, God-fearing. Call 0950-611436.
Tip of the week
Marriage: Talk through any conflict. Do not give each other the silent treatment or run from the problem at hand. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile, let’s continue interacting via email or or SMS 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.


Facebook Feed