GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
Greetings! I feel my relationship with my husband is among the many couples who are barely hanging on in marriage, particularly where cheating is involved. What really causes infidelity in Christian marriages?
ANS: Greetings to you too, sister. All kinds of reasons exist for this. Psychologists have pointed out reasons such as couples experience periods of sustained stress, exhaustion, or separation due to family needs or career obligations.
Husbands and wives do not feel satisfied with each other or deeply connected. People endure longstanding dullness or even deadness in their relationships.
Men and women wrestle with boredom, loneliness or unmet needs.
However, knowing the causes of infidelity has not stopped unfaithfulness from occurring.
The culture at large is confused when it comes to how we approach infidelity. Ironically, in our modern world many young couples especially those in their twenties are in crisis at large partly because of sexless marriages.
Take, for instance, the fact that young women married seven years or less are one of the fastest growing demographic groups committing adultery.
These are women who either did not grow up with a dad in the home or never had a healthy relationship with their father or stepfather.
The other reason could be a situation where decent men are few and women look for such. Many women admire men who are well behaved and are in short supply as a result are enticed into infidelity.
Within Christian communities, it’s also striking to note that relationships among young marrieds are particularly fragile during the early years of starting a family.
This places weighty expectations of sexual satisfaction on their married partner that the relationship cannot often sustain.
Social media has also flung open the door wide to the ease in which people can engage in emotional affairs.
Old obsessions can be instantly triggered through connecting with past boyfriends or girlfriends. Those former experiences and feelings are still stored in the brain.
A man might see a woman on Facebook that he liked in college. The memory she generates will lead to the man to desire a connection with her or vice versa.
The truth is cheating does not offer escape, relief, and lasting pleasure but turmoil on marriages. At the end of the road, the truth discovered about infidelity is the same like all routes that lead us away from the light into darkness.
We forget who we are and to whom we belong: Christ our beloved. If we’ll listen, he will gently remind us that there is a thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy marriages.
But he comes that we may have life and have it abundantly, (John 10:10). Blessings!
‘I am no longer attracted to hubby’
I hope my text finds you in good health. My concern is that, I’m no longer attracted to my husband anymore. How can I handle changing feelings in marriage?
ANS: Dear sister I am fine thanks, hope you too. Well sister, our bodies, both as men and women, undergo changes over the years.
Wrinkles and dimpling begin to replace smooth skin, and muscle tissue turns to fat. Sometimes the impact of aging owes it to lack of exercise, a healthy lifestyle, hygiene, and medical care.
Various couples ‘fall out of love’ for a few reasons. Perhaps you are still expecting to ‘feel’ the excitement of new love after a decade of marriage.
There might even be a guy at work that gives you those tingles, tricking you into thinking that he is a better match for you than your husband. Remember that the draw of new love does not last, no matter who you are with.
You may also have lost that spark because you and your husband haven’t invested in the longer lasting aspects of attraction like friendship, having fun together and expressing appreciation for one another.
Albeit, it’s never too late, the good news is that you can begin depositing into the emotional bank of your relationship at any time.
If you are willing to invest in developing affection, a month or two from now your marriage could be in a completely different stage, characterized by friendship, adventure, and even romance.
Other times the lack of attraction is rooted in past offenses that have never been adequately addressed.
If your husband irritates you or annoys you, perhaps there is something much deeper than meets the eye chipping away at your love.
Do you feel safe with your husband or has he violated your trust in some significant way? Cheap forgiveness for a serious breach of trust or avoiding underlying conflicts in your relationship will ultimately sabotage the positive feelings you could have for your husband.
Instead of moving onto a new relationship, take the initiative to work through the walls that have been built in your marriage. (Philippians 4:8). Blessings!
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Tip of the week
Marriage: Thank God for the gift of marriage. Blessings!
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