Gender

I want divorce

Dear Aunt Sue,
My husband and I have been married for seven years but for the past three years we have been very unhappy.

And I discovered that he has a girlfriend at his workplace, something that he had been refusing when I asked him about when I found a message from her on his phone. We have two children and I do not know if the marriage can survive although my husband is asking for forgiveness.
Mrs P.

Thanks for your letter. It is a pity that your husband wants to mess up your marriage after so many years. It is encouraging to hear that your husband is asking for forgiveness and it is my hope and prayer that he is genuine about it, not just that he became careless and you caught him.
Be assured that you can survive this sad period in your life if you are also ready to forgive him for his indiscretion. You should seek the counsel of your relatives and your church to help you resolve your problems. Divorce should be the last option because it would be sad to throw away seven years of your life with this man, especially that you have been blessed with two children. This is also time for you to examine your role to see what tempted your husband to look at another woman.
You can overcome this by bringing God into your marriage, He should be the foundation of your marriage henceforth and please try to make time for each other and communicate more often.
***

Dear Aunt Sue,
I am a 35-year-old widow with one ten-year-old son and I have fallen in love with a married man who has three young children with his wife. Emmy
Dear Emmy,
I am surprised that despite having been married before you now want to make another woman unhappy although of course even her husband is to blame for being involved with you.
I am sure you know that adultery is condemned in the Bible but by you choosing to be in a relationship with this man you are saying there is nothing wrong for the man to cheat on his wife. What if it was you?
Stop this behaviour before you get hurt because I can assure you he will never leave his wife and children for you; I am sure you are just there for fun and that he was able to get you.
Open your eyes and think of the future or else it will end up badly. Once he discovers that you want more he will not hesitate to dump and continue with his wife. My suggestion is that before you get involved further, talk to him and advise him to concentrate on his family. Tell him you are no longer interested in him and what the affair is doing to your life and that you deserve better than what is happening at the moment. Remember, as long as you keep him in your life, you are blocking an unattached man from approaching you and you are not getting any younger. If you are patient I am sure you will find a man genuinely interested in you and a happy long-term relationship. Have pride in yourself as a woman.
***
He can’t say
Dear Aunty,
I am 25 years old and have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. Within the first two months of our relationship he said he wanted to say he loved me but wasn’t sure if he was. This is because his ex ended up disappointing him after he told her he loved her.
I thought it was best to give him the time; so about one year in our relationship, I started having feelings for him like I have never felt before and I think it must be love. I waited a few more months and then I told him that I loved him. He could not say it in return only, that his actions show that he is in love with me.
At first I was happy with his explanation but now it is bothering me that he can’t say that he loves me. Another thing is that we never talk about marriage or a possible future together. I’m too scared to bring it up because I don’t want to seem pushy or scare him off but it has been two years. What should I do?
MX
Dear MX,
I am sure fear might be holding back from expressing his true feelings for you just as your fear to communicate is also holding you back.
As long as you hold in your true feelings from him, he will not know how you really feel about him. Deal with the challenge of your real feelings for him and assure him that you are not his ex and you will not hurt him; otherwise misunderstandings about your emotions will continue to build. Once you learn to communicate positively he will also start opening up to you, you just have to be patient.
If the two of you can commit to growing in the personal areas of communication, healing, and getting beyond self-limiting patterns, you will be able to move your relationship to a much more committed place for building a lifetime partnership. But you must both overcome limits you have in communicating and dealing with inner fears.
Remember to pray about your relationship and learn to seek guidance. I hope I have helped you.
Send your questions to mattersoflife@hotmail.com/pchilufya@daily-mail.co.zm or gender@daily-mail.co.zm
Or bring your questions in person to any of the Zambia Daily Mail offices
You can also visit: Aunt Sue on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/AUNT.SUE.PEP.TALK

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