Gender Gender

Walking out while you can

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
SHE lived in an abusive marriage for over ten years until she was bed ridden. The beatings she received from her husband, damaged her spine.

She sought help from her family including the church. The response from her family was the man was the breadwinner who supported the entire extended family. The church simply told her God hates divorce, meaning she had to work it out with her husband.

For convenience, I will call the woman Lillian and the man John. Every parent wants to see their children have a happily-ever-after kind of marriage but sometimes things don’t turn out as we hope.
Lillian and John met when they were at secondary school. John came from a comfortable back ground, while the complete opposite was the case for Lillian. She went on to study business administration while Joan went to the United States of America to further his studies.
However, the two continued to communicate and decided when both were done with their school, they would become husband and wife.
When John returned, the two spent some months together before they finally decide it was time to tie the knot. But while they were trying to catch up on their lost time, Lillian observed that whenever John would drink, he would be abusive and reminded her that her family and herself should consider themselves lucky that he was joining their family.
To John, he expected Lillian to admit that he was heaven sent to make a positive change in Lillian’s family. When sober, he was always quick to apologise and blamed his actions on the alcohol.
The insults graduated to a few slaps. At this point, Lillian confided in her mother and aunties. She also told them that she wanted to call off the wedding because she could not imagine what John was going to become once she started living in his house.
As is usually expected, the mother and aunties advised her to stick it out as no man was an angel. She took their advice, besides, the elderly women had been in marriage for a long time, meaning they knew what they were talking about.
Lillian and John went ahead and wedded. Five years in their marriage, things were getting worse. John would beat Lillian in front of their four-year-old son. She persevered as she was always advised. The couple later had a second child.
However, the last stroll was when, one night John returned home in the wee hours of the morning. Lillian was not happy and lashed at him. This upset him to a point of hitting her on her back with an iron bar. She passed out and was rushed to hospital.
Hospital tests revealed that her spin was damaged and that it was unlikely that she would ever walk again. Lillian, like some other women feel alone as they hurt in silence, because no one will hear their story. Society expects them to keep up appearances, but at what cost?
Until next week,
Let’s keep in touch,
dkasote@daily-mail.co.zm

Tender

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