CAN WE HLP? PASTOR & MRS BANDA
Dear Raphael and Namukolo.
I AM a man aged 29 years and I have fallen in love with lady A of my age. The problem is, before this affair, I was going out with another lady, Lady B, who is 18 years old and would like me to approach her mother but she has dumped me three times before. But I am tired of her insults at me whenever she dumps me. Lady A and I have met each otherâ€™s relatives and we are ready to move our relationship forward. Lady B blames me for her heartbreak and says she will never forgive me as long as she lives. I have never even had sex with her.
How do I tell lady B to move on, because when she dumped me she said â€œI should find someone who will love meâ€ and to forget my past girlfriends who seem to resurface. Please help me, I love Lady A and want to marry her soon.
The problem in all that you have shared is not Lady â€˜Bâ€™ but rather your lack of decisiveness! According to the Oxford dictionary, decisiveness is the ability to settle an issue quickly and effectively. You have told us you love Lady A and you want to marry her. And you have also told us the many negative things about Lady â€˜Bâ€™.
So the question is, why are you still allowing Lady â€˜Bâ€™ to be hanging around your life when you know what you want? Are you such a coward, Festus, that you cannot face a lady to firmly explain to her in no uncertain terms that everything is over between you and that you are going to marry someone else?
These two things we have mentioned, lack of decisiveness and cowardice, might end up costing you very dearly. They have so far gotten you into a situation where you have two women hanging around you although one has been on and off. What might happen is that Lady A might come to know about Lady B and it might not go well with her.
Or Lady B will start interfering with Lady A. All this will complicate your life and the lives of the two ladies for nothing, simply because you are not responsible enough to tell Lady B that it is over and that you have moved on.
In fact, before bringing Lady A into your life you should have ensured that everything was thoroughly finished with Lady B. It is never right to have dealings with two ladies simultaneously.
So be a man Festus and sort out the mess by being brave and decisive in dealing with Lady B. You started it and you must end it! No one will do it for you.
Dear Raphael and Namukolo.
I want to marry my girlfriend who I love very much but we are at the same age and some people are telling me that she looks older than me. Should I avoid her, or what should I do? Please help me.
You have just told us that you love your girlfriend very much. What does your love for her entail? True love enables you to accept everything about the other person including their age and appearance. If she is willing to submit to you as her husband and you will commit to loving her unconditionally as your wife, then that is all that matters.
It is not â€˜some peopleâ€™ who will live with her in the same house. Why then are they concerned about her age and appearance? The Bible reminds us that physical appearance is transient and should never be used as the major criteria for choosing a life partner. Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) says, Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. â€œAnd as you get into marriage you must resolve not to run your marriage based on the opinions of people. You should know what is right and pursue it irrespective of peopleâ€™s opinions.
Courtship can be compared to a period of preparing for exams. It is a time to seriously prepare for marriage and it must be wisely utilised and not squandered away. Get to know the courtship syllabus and ensure that you have thoroughly covered it before venturing into marriage.
NOTE: Dear Janet (49) from Mufulira, please get in touch with the Editor.
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