Gender

My son’s father unsupportive

AGONY PEP TALK with AUNT SUE
Dear Aunt Sue,
I am a mother of a one-year-old son and the problem I have concerns the father to my son. He does not support his son financially and when I ask him for anything he gets upset. So I take care of my son by myself. I am tired of him and I want to leave him or do I stay for the sake of my son?
Please help me Aunt Sue.
T
Dear T,
What your husband is doing is sad and is a thing that has led many women to stray. One thing he forgets is that love is about giving. I have never found a couple that is deeply in love and there is sharing between the man and woman.
The Bible says that “he who does not provide for his family, he is worse than an infidel”. This does not mean that he should provide all that you want at one given time. This verse is there to encourage men to look after their off springs and share their earthly belongings with their families. After all, animals have learnt to look after their young till the young ones can fend for themselves, the crocodile included. How much is demanded of a human being who is made in the image of God?
Even when Adam and Eve disobeyed God, he made sure that the two were provided for with covering and food. Cain, who had just murdered his brother, was protected by God himself because all these people, though sinful by nature, where his. They were his responsibility and he took care of them. But later on, he sent his begotten son to provide us with a final solution to all the issues of life. That is a good example of what we ought to always want what is best for our children and others.
In the case of your husband, he shows signs of a very selfish man, who wants to spend everything on himself, not even on his son. As someone said, marriage is not for the selfish. It is for those that are willing to share their lives and property. Selfishness is a spirit. That spirit is the one that shows itself in greediness, which we see everyday. This week, we read of officers who used public funds for their own use, even when they draw a salary every month. We must be good custodians of what God has entrusted to us!
I have never urged anyone to leave his/her marriage, unless there is physical violence involved. In your case, I want you to contact his ba shibukombe so they can talk to him. Alternatively, get his relatives to talk to him. With prayer, he will change. Remove that bitterness in you and show him love. He will definitely change for the better.
Pray to God without ceasing.
She checks my phone daily
Dear Auntie Sue,
I have a serious problem with my wife. She always checks on my phone every time am from work. Please help me. What should I do?
P.
Dear P,
It has become common for women to check up on their husband’s cellphones. The majority of these women feel that, there ought to be transparency in all areas of life, from money issues to phone issues, more so for those that leave the presence of their spouse to answer calls.
Only recently, we read of a man who divorced his wife because of this habit. This shows to the extent this issue is affecting marriages. This though, to me, was on the extreme side of things. There could be other underlining causes to this divorce!
My question to you, did you misbehave at one time? If your answer is “Yes”, then this could be the result. It takes long to regain trust from the woman you disappoint and the only way she can be sure you are truthful, this time, is to monitor you through the phone. She can’t manage to follow you around.
If there has not been any cause, then it just brings to the fore her insecurity in your marriage. She may have had a traumatic experience in her life and this is the only way she can protect herself. In this case, it is your duty to reassure her that you love her and that you don’t want to wander away at all. It takes a lot of patience and understating on your part. She also needs a lot of self-control not to fall into that temptation.
I want you to have an open discussion about the issue with her. If you find you can’t come to an understanding, I advise you to involve someone you both trust, either the church or a relative. Don’t let it continue to boil in you, you may explode. This should not lead to a divorce!
Pray for God’s help.
Thank you.
My bestie loves my boyfriend
Dear Aunt Sue,
Help me. My best friend is in love with my boyfriend and I discovered this last week. How do I confront my boyfriend and my friend because they are both pretending like there is nothing going on. I still love my boyfriend, what do I do?
TS
Dear TS,
I am surprised that you have not raised dust concerning the same issue with these two people.
They are having an affair without regard of your feelings, especially your best friend. I want you to break this relationship now and make sure you do not entertain any excuses. How do you think he will behave if at all you got married?
He will bring disease and frustration in your home, which is good for you. You are too young to start resolving issues of unfaithful boyfriends and girlfriends. Get busy with other important things in life like education and setting up yourself for a better life. I am sorry. Men have to realise that they can’t be involved in multiple relationships and get away with it. I am saying men because most men are culprits of this kind of behaviour. It has to stop.
As for our young ladies, most of them are not assertive and independent enough to come out of these abusive relationships. Ladies must make money and not depend on men for sustainance. If women are financially independent, they can easily move out of an abusive relationship like this one.
So walk out now.
Bless you.
Send your questions to mattersoflife@hotmail.com/
pchilufya@daily-mail.co.zm or gender@daily-mail.co.zm
Or bring your questions in person to any of the
Zambia Daily Mail offices.
You can also reach Aunt Sue at
http://www.facebook.com/AUNT.SUE.PEP.TALK.

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