Gender Gender

Some marriages don’t deserve to ‘hang in there’

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
I OFTEN say there is no point in holding on to a marriage that brings you more misery than happiness. I do acknowledge that there is no perfect marriage but some marriages are made in hell and one does not deserve to hang in there.

Such hell of marriages may end up with the victim being sent to an early grave, all in the name of keeping up appearances. Women usually find themselves in such unbearable circumstances, hoping against hope, that one day, things may change for the better.
It must take a lot of courage to walk out on a marriage especially when family and society in general expect the opposite from you. One thing that must be understood by those who are outside the marriage is that the person in it, is the person who goes through the pain.
As I said earlier, it takes a lot of courage to walk out of a marriage. This is why I salute a Kitwe woman, who upon receiving beatings from her husband that landed her in hospital bed for three days, called it quits.
The story of Ms Zulu appeared in last Sunday’s edition of the Sunday Mail.
Sophie Zulu, 25, sued Aarison Ngambo, 30, for divorce, which was granted by the Bulangililo local court.
Ms Zulu, who was married for eight years, sued for divorce on grounds that her husband is promiscuous and becomes abusive whenever he is drunk.
According to Ms Zulu, her husband is a moody person who is fond of abusing her both physically and emotionally and that she almost lost her life because of his cruelty.
She asked the court to grant them divorce because they have been on separation for a year and that she heard rumours that her husband has remarried.
But Mr Ngambo denied the allegations of remarrying, justifying that he hit his wife because of her stubbornness to change her behaviour of being found with the wrong crowd, which patronises bars.
Whichever the case may be, abuse was involved and for the court to have granted divorce, the grounds were valid.
Such cases are not new around us, but society tends to ignore them and continues to advise a woman to shipikisha (persevere). This is why marriage has earned itself the name shipikisha club. Certainly, there is no marriage that is flawless but certain flaws cannot be tolerated.
Ms Zulu probably tolerated the husband’s violence for a long time before she decided to pack her bags and leave. I am sure she thanks her lucky stars that she was able to get up and walk out of that hospital after three days of being admitted because of being a victim of violence. She could have probably died if she had not decided enough is enough.
Bulangililo senior local court magistrate Kambole Nyoni granted the divorce because the two had irreconcilable differences.
Until next week, let’s keep in touch.


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