GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
I hope you are fine.
Pastor I have a pair of twins aged four plus, with a woman who divorced her husband on account of being a victim of GBV.
She has four children from her previous marriage. The problem is my family does not want me to marry her. The reasons they cite are that,
1. She already has â€œmanyâ€ children,
2. I am only one or two years older than her, and
3. Our background with her is so terrible such that I even feel shy to mention where we first met; itâ€™s a very wrong place to meet a marriage partner.
Pastor, I am convinced by my actions that I care for her; I support her and I know that she has a constructive chance in life if she has a man like me by her side. But what I donâ€™t know is whether or not I love her because if I loved her, I would have married her by now.
Also, I have problems with my sense of pride because she did not make it beyond grade nine and yet am a university graduate. We have too different backgrounds.
These things have made me stuck in my life. I cannot seriously date a woman because I have unfinished business with the other.
Facing God is also equally a problem because sometimes, we cohabit when she comes to see our kids. I am thirty-three years old and time is not on my side.
If I told her that we will not marry, she will feel a great deal of loss in her life and I care such that I do not want to hurt her in any way especially that God gave me the only children I have so far through her.
But at the same time, marrying her is equally trading off my pride and happiness. What should I do? Please help.
ANS: Brother thanks for your mail. I am fine and delighted to hear from you. Foremost, age difference should not be an issue.
If you doubt your love for this woman, I do not know what common factor that brings the two of you together. The issues you are raising now should have been done at the beginning of your relationship.
Issues of education background and number of children she has could have been given serious consideration at first before even fathering the twins.
If you cannot be the step-father of your lover, who will be ready to be the step-mother of your twins? I feel children should occupy a special place in your heart, whether yours or not.
This makes me wonder why many people find themselves in such awkward situations. Before you get serious with somebody of the opposite sex, ensure you get information about their background â€“ education, HIV status, religious beliefs, past sexual life, marital status and so on.
Dumping someone at this stage means heart breaking and shuttering her future.
I would encourage you to explore why you are having such difficulty accepting the fact your girlfriend already has children.
How do you feel about her children and your twins? What will your role with her children be and what are your thoughts and feelings on that role? Sit with these questions, allow others to arise, and be honest with yourself in answering them.
Once you have gained greater clarity on your thoughts, feelings, and concerns about the fact your girlfriend is a mother of your twins, it seems that the next step is to talk to her.
Share with her what came up in your exploration of this very serious issue. If you do choose to stay in this relationship, it will be essential to be able to have difficult conversations with her about her children and how you feel about them, and about how they impact your relationship.
If you do not choose to stay in the relationship, you will likely need to have another kind of difficult conversation about why you are leaving the relationship.
Thank you again for writing in with a question that surely resonates with many. I wish you courage in the process of sorting this out and peace with whatever choice you make. Blessings!
I am married but canâ€™t have children!
l am a man aged 35 and one-year eight months in marriage without any child.
I am worried. Pastor, l need your advice. I have got one child with a different girl. She is 13 years old now but l love my wife very much and she is God fearing, we have been going to hospital but in vain.
My worry is sometimes, l could dream seeing children but I do not know the meaning to me. Good day Papa!
ANS: Dear brother thanks for your mail. The Bible presents accounts of various couples who had a bit of a struggle to have children but ultimately they emerged victorious.
Sarah and Abraham (Genesis 21:1-7), Rebecca and Isaac (Genesis 25:20-26), Rachel and Jacob (Genesis 30:1-2, 22-25), Elizabeth and Zachariah (Luke 1:5-24), Manoah & wife (Judges 13), Hannah and husband (1 Samuel 1:1-20) the list is endless.
All these and many others continued to look up to their creator, God Almighty and they had children at the appointed time.
I would advise you to team up with your wife in prayers and one day break through will come your way (Matthew 21:22). Stay focused and trusting God for a miracle in your marriage. Donâ€™t give up (Luke 18:1), soldier on and fight on! Blessings!
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I am a man aged 26 looking for a serious partner interested call me on
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I am man aged 35 civil servant looking for a serious lady HIV+ aged 25-30, God-fearing. Contact 0964-852089.
Tip of the Week
Marriage: For any challenge in your marriage team up with your spouse in prayer. (Matthew 21:22). Blessings!
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GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI