Gender Gender

Secret lives of some spouses: Reactions

Last week, I wrote about how some partners in a marriage live double lives without their spouses having a clue on what is going on.  The story under the headline, ‘Secret Lives of Some Spouses,’ dated September 16, 2020, talked about a man who lived double lives with the wife having no suspicions because he was a responsible and loving husband.  She had no reason to suspect him of a behaviour that broke their marriage.  Below are some of the reactions I received from the readers.

Doris,
Your article makes interesting reading. However, I would like to point out that courtship period before marriage is very important. A couple ought to get to know each other reasonably well such that some behavioural characteristics of the partner ought to be like a second skin. Marriage lessons are also very helpful in opening up couples and enhancing their friendship, especially the communication aspect.
By the time you get married, you ought to be quite familiar with each other’s routines such that if during the marriage certain new behavioural traits crop up, they ought to send an immediate alert. Spouses should not be so complacent that they stop noticing small changes in their partner’s behaviour. And unexplained new developments ought to be discussed to avoid misunderstandings. Couples should be teams and looking out for each other, not sleeping on duty in the name of trust.
T Mukelabai
Lusaka.

Good afternoon,
Just read your story in the daily mail. Quite interesting. How did it end, did she go back to the main bedroom?
Likando
Dear Doris,
I am a marriage counsellor and it is rather unfortunate to see such situations in a marriage.  However, the experience I have encountered with those that I have counselled is that such situations are common in society.  It has become a ‘norm’ and some men have no remorse for such actions.  What such men do not realise is that when the pieces in a marriage are broken, it is nearly impossible to pick up the pieces and mend things to the initial stage.
I have made an effort to reconcile such couples, some have decided to continue living together, while others end up divorcing.
Marriage requires effort and to make it work, both parties have to be willing to put in their best.
Continue the good works,
Marriage Counsellor

Thank you for your feedback, it is well appreciated.
Until next week,

Let’s keep in touch.

kasotedoris@gmail.com




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