SPEAK OUT ON VIOLENCE with DORIS KASOTE
LAST week, I ran a column where a young couple separated because violence was not alien in their home for one reason or the other.
The woman blamed the man for their misunderstandings while the man blamed the woman saying she was hostile to his family, especially to his mother.
I received some reactions and below are some of them.
Dear Doris,
The story you wrote about is a reflection of what some couples go through.  There are always issues when it comes to finances but I don’t find anything wrong with a man helping his mother and vice versa.
I am a woman but what I have observed is that some women expect their husbands to lend a helping hand to their families but make an issue when it comes to the man helping his own family.
I am 57 years old and my advice to women is that they should learn to embrace their husbands’ relatives just like they expect their husbands to embrace theirs.
In some cases, the mother-in-law lives on her own and helping her is from a distance. What is wrong with that?
Wives should take their mothers-in-law like their own mothers and not want to compete with them.
From your story, you indicated that the husband was taking care of his wife and family, so what was so painful with giving a helping hand to a woman who brought up such a responsible man?
I am not taking sides and don’t really know the real problem of the couple. The problems they are experiencing may be deep-rooted.
When two people marry, they bring two families together, who should try as much as possible to exist cordially. It is never meant to be a showdown.
MERCY SONDA
Lusaka
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Hello Doris,
I enjoyed reading your column about marriage and caring for our parents. I have a comment to make. I got married about 14 years ago and the lord has blessed us with three children. We are happy and it is my prayer that our marriage will remain a happy one forever.
My husband was brought up by his mother who toiled really hard for his education; she had to do every small and hard business to see to it that he is educated. I am talking about a woman who is not educated but trying to change the story of her son and his siblings. The consoling part is that my husband was very intelligent in school and he did extremely well until now that he is able to look after himself and family.
When I met him, he told me of this story and how the mother encouraged him to work hard and change his own story. When we married and got to meet my mother-in-law, I found her to be the most loving and caring in-law ever.
She treated me so well and taught me some of the most useful ingredients of marriage and this has helped to keep my marriage strong. I am an orphan who has very little information about my mother, and my husband’s mother has become my own and been treating her like my own ever since.
What I am trying to say is that ladies should have a change of mind and remove the selfishness that I see in many towards their in-laws. Just like your mother took care of you, men that we are married to were also cared for by their own mothers who went to extremes just to make the best out of their children.
It is important that both parents from the man and the woman’s side are treated well and equally with respect. If you give material and monetary support to your own mother, it should be extended to your in-laws as well. That is the fair way of doing things.
It is the selfishness in many not to extend a helping hand to the family of the man and yet yours are being supported. Let us remember that the man whose love, wealth and other materials you enjoy was equally brought up by parents who will feel happy to be supported by that man.
V N
Lusaka
That is it for the week;
Let’s keep in touch;
dkasote@daily-mail.co.zm