Gender Gender

Reactions: Is marriage about love or endurance?

LAST week, I brought out a story of a woman who has been abused in her marriage from the very first day the couple became husband and wife.
She has held on to the marriage because she fears to start all over. Her other fear was that she was not growing any younger and needed to find a partner to make her life ‘complete’.
Should a marriage be based on enduring abuse or love?
I received some reactions from readers. Below are some of the comments:
Dear Doris,
Marriage should be based on love and not to endure pain.  A person who tries to suppress her emotions because of the pain she is feeling may end up losing her life.
That person that she is trying so hard to hold on to regardless of his inconsiderate behaviour will end up killing her.

Hello Doris,
I am a Christian and the traits that man is exhibiting are not for one who should even hold the title of pastor.
He is actually lying to God by pretending to be what he is not. I know as human beings, we are not perfect but if we hold certain positions in church such as elder or pastor, it is only logical to strive to live a good life starting within the home and to other people.
Thank you for your educative articles. Women should realise that there is more to life than marriage. I agree, it is important to have a companion but what is the use of having one who makes you miserable.

Another letter from Lusaka reads:
Dear Doris,
I was once in an abusive marriage.  It took a lot for me to start life anew. I would stay on, especially when I looked at where we were coming from with my husband, and what we had acquired over the years.
I endured for a long time for the sake of my children. But a friend counselled me that I should not stay in an abusive marriage, not even for the sake of my children.
She told me that if I died today because of the beatings from my husband, my children would lose a mother but a husband would re-marry. This was my turning point.
I am divorced now and don’t even think of marriage. There are some good marriages out there but some are just marriages by name.
I am encouraging women in abusive marriages that no matter what anyone says, the final decision to leave or to continue being abused solely lies on you.
Happy new year.

Another letter from Leah reads:
As long as tradition keeps advising women to shipikisha, men will continue abusing them.
Until next week:
Let’s keep in touch.

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