Protecting the hood from sex toys and dolls

Torn Apart: BOYD PHIRI
AFRICAN culture demands that you do not discuss sex matters in public, but with the threat of life-sized sex toys and dolls replacing human beings when it comes to conjugal rights, every adult in the hood is talking.

In case you have not yet heard, a newest creation, a robot designed to be a companion and conversational partner with the capability of having sex has triggered debate in the hood as to whether sex toys and dolls are good for everyone to embrace and kiss.
While some people feel that sex toys and dolls are a stop gap measure when the missus decides to go on bedroom strike, some think that the objects distort God’s creation.
Minister of Religious Affairs Godfridah Sumaili has weighed in by saying that the practice is against our African culture and biblical values.
She is disappointed that some individuals and organisations are supporting uncultural and unholy practices.
Reverend Sumaili says that Government will not tolerate unacceptable practices such as the usage of sex toys and dolls for sex.
But this is not to say that some wives in the hood have already started calling sex toys and dolls hule (prostitute), the thing is, they are wondering about the possibility of their men saying sweet nothings to the objects instead of them.
Certainly, no woman in the hood would want a life-sized sex toy to come into her hubby’s life, let alone share their matrimonial bed.
Imagine a wife telling a court that her husband has left his matrimonial home to live with a life-sized sex doll at a lodge away from the hood?
Perhaps this is the reason why there is so much hue and cry in the hood about the potential husband snatcher.
You see, anyone who draws a wedge between a wife and her husband is an enemy of the hood, which is why some people in the hood don’t want to deal with another hule in the name of sex toys and dolls.
Yes, who would want to see sex toys and dolls take away the drama associated with the hule, hule (prostitute, prostitute) commotion in the hood?
Obviously, it would be like allowing goal technology take away all the spectacle of the game of soccer.
I guess some housewives in the hood are also worried that their hubbies, who are already spending huge sums of money on prostitutes at watering holes and brothels, would spend extra cash on sex dolls than food at home.
Well, no-one has heard comments from sex workers over sex toys, but I guess they wouldn’t like to see some bar owners start selling sex toys and dolls in watering holes like they do with condoms.
Of course, no call girl would want to compete for clients with sex toys and dolls, although up until now they have had to ensure that wives don’t catch them in the act with some men from the hood.
Needless to say, love is between two people and the third one is a liar, so they say. If there would be anything worse for a wife than watching her spouse ditch her for another woman, it would be hearing that he wants to divorce her and buy a life-sized sex doll instead.
Certainly, that would be marriage interference, but the odd thing for a wife would be to sue a sex doll to court for marriage interference.
However, the whole thing about the culture of sex toys and dolls in the hood is a new phenomenon.
Actually, guys in the hood like to impregnate girls behind flower hedges in the dark than have sex with an object which has no capacity to fall pregnant.
In fact, they are surprised that some people want to introduce sex toys in their love lives.
One can’t imagine having sexual thoughts over a sex doll such as “she is hot. I would love to have a roll in the hay with her”.
Imagine one being found with another man’s doll at a guest house in the hood? I guess, he would be guilty of committing adultery with someone’s sex doll.
But, some people wouldn’t want to see the hood littered with all kinds of plastic materials.
Already they are grappling with the issue of used condoms, which children mistake for balloons.
Well, I believe it’s not only men who are attracted to sex toys, but women do, too. This is why Government is concerned about the growing love for sex toys and dolls among some people.
Like Reverend Sumaili said, let us make sure that sex toys and dolls do not distort society’s view about relationships and sex.

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