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Of prophets and their rituals

TORN APART with BOYD PHIRI
THEY don’t work. They make most women go weak at the knees when they promise to share what the ‘Holy Spirit’ has told them.
They act holy and one of their hobbies is to while away the time at the mountains, where they ask unsuspecting believers to give part of their pubic hair as offering besides money.
It may surprise you to know that such rituals do happen, but if you have not heard about this before, ask for Rehoboth Ministries.
In most cases they assume every stranger they meet on the streets doesn’t know Jesus Christ as his personal saviour.
“Do you know Jesus Christ?” they would ask with an exaggerated sobriety of a man of God.
But enough of preachermen, let’s talk about prophets – I mean false prophets. We are living in a world where false prophets are running rampant with their schemes and plots.
Prophets are supposed to speak of future events with 100 percent clarity, of course inspired by the Holy Spirit. But nowadays there seems to be a new crop of prophets that can do and say anything to unsuspecting believers without caring about the negative effects.
If I am right, to some extent this has contributed to rising cases of gender-based violence in many households in the hood, especially when the man of the house discovers that the money he left for food has gone to paying a visiting ‘prophet’ as consultancy fee.
Most women, especially in the hood, like attending prayer meetings convened by the so-called prophets, and can make you eat grass for supper under the mistaken belief that the prophet’s vision has shown that you would win a lottery if you chewed the cud.
I know most women like to hear words that sound like music to the ear, for example, “I can see you being blessed with twins at the end of the year” or “I can see you getting married to a rich man”.
If you’re a married woman and your marriage has not known the sound of a baby since tying the knot 10 years ago, you would probably think two at a goal is better than nothing and expect the prophet’s word to come to pass.
If you are a single woman, you would leave no stone unturned to ensure that the prophet is taken care of to deliver the promise.
This is why most women come out in numbers when they hear that there is a prophet in the hood.
Some send prayer requests and empty bottles to be filled with water – I mean holy water.
“Please pray for amai Daka, who is trying desperately to get a divorce and get married to president Alex Muliokela, leader of Poor People’s Party,” one would say.
Others would say on behalf of their husbands, “Please pray for my husband, who is struggling with temptation to run away with my maid, whom he has impregnated.”
The list of prayer requests can be long, others would say, “Please keep my husband in your prayers as he begins a new chapter in his life. Pray that he has the strength to survive without alcohol.”
Prophets are funny people, of course don’t forget to add the word ‘false’. They can tell your future, any future, like, “I can see that in an hour’s time you will go to the toilet. The spirit has told me. I can see that at mid-day you will feel hungry”.
Sometimes their prophecy can be based on weird things. For example, they would say, “I can see that your husband will soon run away with a prostitute. The spirit has told me that a man of God will take away your sorrows.”
And as part of an effort to lure more people to participate in church, they come up with all manner of miracle prayer meetings, preferably at the mountains on the outskirts of town.
Imagine people – both men and women – queueing to give away one of their valuable possessions, pubic hair, in order to receive blessings at the mountains.
Not everyone who calls himself man of God is genuine. Next time you are asked to go to the mountains, think twice. You may find yourself cutting your finger in the hope of receiving blessings.
bjboydphiri@yahoo.com

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