Can we help? with PASTOR & MRS BANDA
Dear Pastor and Mrs Banda,
Thanks a lot for the advice you gave me in last weekâ€™s column.
Permit me to add a few more details to my story. I committed myself to her very early within six months of dating because we had already known each other for more than five years. I never cheated on her, neither was there room for her to doubt my love.
But sometimes I think our problems arose because we engaged in fornication leading her to lose interest in me. Even though we did it, I know heaven was not happy thus probably God made us part company. What do you think? Despite our sinning against God in this way, I never set my eyes on anybody else.
Your advice has enlightened me and I am not wishing to reconcile with her as she has made up her mind. Although before dating her I did seek the face of the Lord and even when I was approaching her I believed I had 100 percent heard from the Lord. We both sought the face of the Lord and believed we heard from the Lord but it was shocking when she told me later that it was not Godâ€™s will. Honestly how can God change his mind?
Thanks for adding two very important details to your story.
The first detail is that you engaged in premarital sex with your ex-girlfriend. This information is important because the issue of sex is usually highly misunderstood by courting couples. Many a courting couple gives in to the temptation to indulge because they reason that it will strengthen their relationship. Nothing can be further from the truth. Indulging in sex outside marriage has instead marked the beginning of the end for many a courting couple. There are a number of reasons for this.
â€¢ It awakens a guilty conscience. We all know that sex outside marriage is wrong even when we choose to disobey. The conscience is Godâ€™s policeman in our lives. A guilty conscience, if not addressed, has the ability to destroy our lives. You will recall how Judas Iscariot was destroyed by a guilty conscience after he betrayed the Lord Jesus Christ. Matthew 27:3-5 When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders. (4) I have sinned, he said, â€œfor I have betrayed innocent blood.â€ â€œWhat is that to us?â€ they replied. â€œThatâ€™s your responsibility.â€ (5) So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.
â€¢ It short-circuits communication. Once a couple begins to indulge in premarital sex, a type of shyness enters their relationship. Talking becomes less as it is hijacked by the physical aspect. As communication thus suffers, many problems remain unresolved and begin to accumulate thus compromising the relationship.
â€¢ It increases a spirit of suspicion for each other. The unasked question becomes, â€˜if my friend is prepared to sleep with me who is not their spouse, wonâ€™t they do it with someone else since it is clear they do not believe that sex is exclusive to marriage? Why should I trust them?â€™
With the passing of time all these things combine to bring a relationship down. This might indeed be one of the major reasons why your relationship did not stand the test of time. We must therefore take God very seriously when he forbids sex outside marriage!
The second detail you shared was that both of you had invoked God in prayer to discover if you were meant for each other.
This is a subject of misunderstanding amongst professing Christians. Unfortunately prayer is often used as a magic wand. God has given us conditions by which our prayers will be heard and answered. Just a casual look at the scriptures reveals the following:
â€¢ Our faith in God in prayer must be supported by an obedient lifestyle. Isaiah 59:1-2 Behold, the LORDâ€™s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; (2) but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
â€¢ Prayer does not negate our human responsibility. Apart from praying, there are a number of things we need to do to discover Godâ€™s will for our lives. Top most being seeking counsel. The Bible emphasises the need for counsellors in our lives. Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.
We are equally responsible to ensuring that we ourselves and the partner we are seeking are God-fearing.
In resolving conflict, avoid using tears as a weapon.
For comments or questions, please send to Raphaelandnamukolo@gmail.com
Can we help? with PASTOR & MRS BANDA