Gender Gender

Physical abuse not a sign of love – reactions

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
“PHYSICAL abuse is not a sign of love” was the headline in last week’s column.
I wrote about a woman who has been in a physically abusive marriage, yet she defends her husband for the actions.
Some of her friends have advised that she walks away while others feed her with wrong information that a man who is not physically abusive does not love his spouse. I received some reactions and below are some.
Dear Doris,
Please refer to me as Mr ‘C’. I read today’s (January 23) topic in your column with shock. You know what? Most of these women who continue living with abusive husbands think with time he’s going to change but the longer they stay with him the more abusive he becomes. What is even more surprising is that the woman in question is a working class who earns her own money. If she was a full time housewife without anywhere to go, somehow you would understand.
I have been married before and I know how extremely difficult it is to split. Every marriage that ends, ends for a reason. Divorce is a painful experience but with time you definitely get over it. There are different reasons for physical abuse in a home: Some men are violent by nature. Some women use vulgar language thereby provoking the man.
All in all once a married couple departs from the Biblical teachings on marriage then that’s the end.
Madam Kasote,
I always wonder why a person who loves themselves could allow another to abuse them and still make excuses for the abuser. The article that appeared in your publication dated January 23, 2019, should save as a lesson to other women because what do you gain from being in an unhappy union.
This fear of being alone surprises me, it’s as though some people feel they were born with their spouses attached to their bodies that they find it impossible to walk away even when the signs are in black and white that being around is not worth it
Mr X
Dear Doris,
To me it seems this talk about fighting gender-based violence will never change people’s thinking. It is the belief that society has imbedded in us that one has to be married to be respected. In the Western world, such notions are neither here nor there. Society is judgemental especially towards a woman which is why women will withstand whatever abuse a husband throws at them. It is more about keeping up appearance than one’s happiness. At the same time I do not think we should give up on educating people on how they are required to treat one another. Keep up the good work.
Diana K,
Until next week,
Let’s keep in touch,

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