YOUR FAMILY MATTER with PASTOR CHANDA
A WEEK ago, Amai Busa and I were at the silver wedding anniversary dinner of some childhood friends, Webster and Elizabeth Nonde.
It was held at the Mulungushi Conference Centre but was pitched at a level showing true Godly humility.
The guest of honour was Pastor Ronald Kalifungwa of Lusaka Baptist Church. As he neared the end of his speech, he told us about a book that he had read on marriage, which advised that every couple should open a marriage bank account. What did that mean?
Pastor Kalifungwa explained that in the Bible, in Ephesians 5:33, we read, â€œLet each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.â€ According to this, the husbandâ€™s role was that of love and the wifeâ€™s role was that of respect.
The author of this book stated that a husband should open a â€œloveâ€ bank account and the wife should open a â€œrespectâ€ bank account. Both of them should remember to deposit something into their bank accounts daily. Their marriage would be very rich in due season.
Since I had been thinking about what to write in my diary this week as we all go into the new year, I thought I could share this very idea with youâ€”the idea of every married couple opening a marriage bank account as a New Year resolution.
The longer I have served as a church pastor and the more married couples I have had the privilege of counselling, the more I am convinced that the equilibrium of marriage is found in these words of the apostle Paul: Husbands should love and wives should respect.
What I find amazing is that this counsel was first given by a bachelor! The Apostle Paul who wrote these words to the church in Ephesus was not a married man, and yet no one has ever improved on his counsel. It only goes to show that God inspired the Bible.
If our marriages in 2017 are going to be a little heaven on earth then husbands should make a New Year resolution to be depositing something each and every day into their â€œloveâ€ account so that they are nourishing and cherishing their wives on a daily basis.
Similarly, if our marriages in 2017 are going to be a little heaven on earth then wives should make a New Year resolution to be depositing something each and every day into their â€œrespectâ€ account so that they are submitting to the domestic leadership of their husbands.
The reason most marriages end up in the divorce courts is because maintaining these bank accounts is easier said than done. Husbands want wives to submit to them while they do not love them, and wives want husbands to love them despite their rebelliousness.
In life, we all think that the other personâ€™s responsibility is easier than ours. In marriage husbands think that the role of wives is easier. They say, â€œAll that my wife needs to do is to listen to me. Loving her is more difficult because she is so rebellious.â€
Wives also think, â€œAll my husband needs to do is to be more caring for me. After all that was his attitude towards me before we got married. I find it hard to submit to him because he is so selfish. He only thinks about himself.â€ Sadly, both roles are very difficult.
Marriage is like a three-legged race. You cannot enjoy it if you are not clear who is the leader between the two of you and who should follow the other. Also, you cannot enjoy it if the one who is leading is not constantly mindful of the needs of the other person.
The greatest enemy of your marriage is selfishness and rebelliousness. The Bible calls it â€œsinâ€. The phrase, â€œI donâ€™t careâ€ should never be heard in a marriage. It betrays a level of self-centredness that will kill any marriage. We should care. We should always care.
A husband cares for his wifeâ€™s feelings by loving her and a wife cares about her husbandâ€™s feelings by respecting his leadership in the home. So, husbands resolve today to open your â€œloveâ€ bank accounts and wives resolve to open your â€œrespectâ€ bank accounts!
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YOUR FAMILY MATTER with PASTOR CHANDA