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Of New Year resolutions

TORN APART with BOYD PHIRI
HAPPY New Year. It always feels great to cross over to a brand new year and look forward to new blessings, or is it challenges that come with New Year.
Forget about your failure to fulfil last year’s resolutions to win a lottery.
This is why there is always a New Year to make fresh resolutions and probably make amendments to last year’s plans.
Of course, making a few adjustments to last year’s resolutions is different from making amendments to the Republican Constitution.
At least at individual level, you don’t have to set up a New Year’s Resolution Review Commission and invite views from hood-dwellers on how you can turn around your plans for 2017.
Obviously, this undertaking would require a huge budget to pay allowances to some hood-dwellers and probably 20 litres of opaque beer per sitting for them to help out with workable plans for the New Year.
However, people make these resolutions every year and nothing much seems to come of it.
I know that last year, some people, like Poor People’s Party president Alex Mulyokela, had planned to marry before the August 11 tripartite elections.
He wanted to transform himself into an organised politician in readiness for swearing-in as Republican President.
But as things turned out, he did not attain that resolution and he is ripping up the 2016 list of resolutions to make a new one.
Perhaps he might just resolve not to make any resolutions for 2017 so that he does not have to suffer the anguish of ripping a list of unfulfilled resolutions at the end of the year.
Maybe he must also resolve to start going to the gym this year to develop a six-pack which seems to be a major attraction for some women in the hood.
Who knows, this hobby might help him find a marriage mate and stop making the same resolution every year.
Apparently last year, UNIP president Tilyenji Kaunda made a resolution not to cast his vote despite standing for president and it came to pass that he did not vote.
Actually, it did not go quite like that, he told his supporters in the hood that he misplaced his voter’s card.
He did not ask his supporters in the hood if anyone had seen his voter’s card at a garbage dump.
I bet he will not waste his time reliving the past but commit himself to a new resolution to find his voter’s card this year to enable him to have an opportunity to cast his vote in 2021.
And if he must make another resolution, the most important thing for him to do is not to wait until 2021 to announce to hood-dwellers that he could not find his voter’s card.
This year important things may have to be different. For example, one of my resolutions is to have financial breakthrough even if it means fighting to be considered for Social Cash Transfer.
Perhaps, I should also resolve to relocate to a rural area where the programme is being carried out.
But on second thought, I feel I might fail the vulnerability test to benefit from the facility.
As the year 2017 unfolds, everyone, including sex workers, will be making promises to themselves to improve their situations.
For instance, sex workers who have been plying their trade on streets would want to start trading from hotels to make big bucks.
Perhaps the other resolution would be to increase the number of clients per night from 10 to 20 and resolve to ensure that every client does not default.
Taxi drivers would also be making resolutions to continue keeping secrets for their clients.
Some drunkards would be resolving to upgrade themselves from drinking opaque beer to drinking lagers.
What if those who drink the illicit brew kachasu resolved to start drinking more water or tea?
Certainly, this is not the kind of 2017 resolution Shebeen queens in Chibolya township in Lusaka would want to hear.
Actually, it is healthy to suggest lofty resolutions for ourselves. After all, it is not as if we would want to achieve them within 14 days if you know what I am talking about.
Some people would say 14 days is 14 days and 12 months is 12 months. At least 12 months is a long time for one to achieve some of the resolutions. So, make your resolutions if you can. Happy New Year!
bjboydphiri@yahoo.com

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