Gender Gender

No need to defend irresponsible man

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
THERE is no need to make excuses for a man who does not appreciate you. If he treats you as though you are worthless, why cling on to him? A woman I will call Jane, for convenience, has a child with her boyfriend, Ben (not real name).
Their relationship has been on and off but clearly the one who puts in more effort in the relationship is Jane. The two have a child together and Jane hoped Ben would marry her. It has been seven years now, but Ben has not popped that big question.
Out of desperation, Jane jumps whenever Ben coughs. The man disrespects her in public, but all she says is that Ben’s actions require a patient woman like herself.
He does not support their child, yet he is in employment. His excuse is that he doesn’t get enough money. The car that has turned into a wreck belonged to Jane, but Ben was careless with it. While he was misusing her car, Jane would walk to work. Ben would not even find time to pick up Jane and the child when their child fell ill. Jane would still defend him saying he was a busy man. Too busy for your own child?
She even knew some of Ben’s girlfriends, whom she sometimes approached and warned to stay away from him. Whenever Ben heard this, he would get upset with Jane, reminding her that what the two had in common was the child. Other than that, there was nothing else.
Despite his statements, Ben would still run to Jane whenever he was down and out. And she would gladly offer him the help that he required. Jane would literally deprive herself and the baby to ensure that Ben was well catered for. He would also borrow money and upon failure to repay the debt, Ben would demand that Jane pays the debt, which she did with no reservations. What mattered was making her man happy.
Whenever he required help, Ben would claim he did not know what got over him to behave the way he did. He asked for forgiveness a million times and Jane would welcome him with open arms.
Jane’s friends advised that Ben had taken her for granted but she did not think so. She still felt people did not understand Ben. Friends got to a point where they no longer advised her but simply watched Jane as she got herself deeper into problems with Ben in her life.
Until next week, let’s keep in touch.
dkasote@daily-mail.co.zm

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