Gender Gender

No need to defend an irresponsible man – reactions

Speak Out on Violence: DORIS KASOTE
THE past week, I wrote about a woman who defends the father to her child regardless of his behaviour hoping that he will marry her.
She even defends his irresponsibility towards his child.
I received some reactions and this week I run with some.
Hi Doris,
Please call me Mr.C. I always wonder why some women are so desperate for marriage to such an extent of tolerating such nonsense from a man. Clinging onto someone who has clearly shown you that he’s an abuser and a time waster. A romantic relationship or marriage thrives well when two partners make each other happy. Not where one partner makes the other happy without reciprocating. Jane’s friends who had been advising her did their best and that’s all they could do. Just advise her, and end there. They cannot physically force her out of that relationship. It is entirely up to Jane to make up her mind. She will surely come to her senses one day.
Hello Doris,
The story of ‘Jane’ that ran last week in your column makes me wonder why as women, we get so desperate for marriage to a point of losing ourselves. The woman is a working woman so why not concentrate on looking after her child instead of trying to please a man who does not appreciate her. Having a partner is a wonderful thing but it should not be at the expense of one making a fool of themselves. It is not worth it.
Dear Doris,
Please withhold my name but I want to tell my story. I was engaged to be married and the father to my child is the one who planned to marry me. I had the child while in courtship with this man. While preparing for my kitchen party, I learnt that this man had impregnated another woman. He actually had two other children with the same woman. To me, it was clear this relationship with the other woman was a long standing one, for the two to have had more than one child. Obviously I was broken but a voice within myself told me to call off the marriage because if this man who was not yet my husband could do this to me while I was his fiancée, what more hurtful things would he do while in marriage. When I broke the news to my family that I could not go ahead with the marriage, they tried to convince me to change my mind by saying all men are like that. I did not U-turn on my decision, it was final, I wanted out. I could not live my life with a man I did not trust. It was a painful decision but a good thing came out of that relationship and it is my child who I love so dearly. I am able to support the child because I am a working woman. The father supports the child as and when but I do not bother myself with him.
Good day,
Madam X.
Until next week,
Let’s keep in touch,

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