Editor's Choice

‘Never force a man to marry you’

Dear Pastor
Greetings in Jesus’ name. I am a married woman and have been married for 10 years. My husband was married before. He has a daughter and I too.

The problem is that my husband has a negative attitude to our marriage such that he would even not want to make love to me. To get marriage certificate and get adopted at church, I had to force him. Pastor I am now fed up and I have lost desire to live with him. Am I sinning?
ANS: Thank you for your text. Madam before you call it quits you should use the same avenues you used to win him to yourself. From your explanation, you sound like you forced your way into this marriage. This man appeared not to have been ready for this marriage. If from the onset, he wholeheartedly settled for marriage, you could not have forced him to sign the marriage certificate. This is why you are having such marriage hiccups. Never force a man to marry you! My advice to you is that you get back to your church and get assisted in the manner you were assisted at first. Let him get adopted once again at church and I am sure with the help of the church all will be well again. Work hard to get your marriage back on track. Blessings!
I have a blind date
Dear Pastor,
I am a lady aged 40 who needs your advice. I had been married, but got divorced in 2006. Unfortunately, only married men proposed to marry me and I refused. In 2002 I started praying for a husband and in March, while watching a TV programme on love and relationships, I heard about a man who was looking for a wife. I thought God had answered me so we have been communicating for two years eight months with this man. We have never met but just know each other through pictures. Please advise.
ANS: Thank you for this golden opportunity to offer advice to you. My dear sister, I don’t think this is a God given relationship and I can’t see any future in it. If you can date via media and exchange photos for close to 2 years without any effort to meet in person, leaves much to be desired. In my view, this is not a workable relationship, the sooner you quit the better for you. Your man is a time waster – please find something constructive to do for your future. Marriage does not answer to all life’s problems. There is something better you can do as a woman and become prosperous without a man. Think about this today seriously. Blessings!
I have impregnated my ex-girlfriend
Dear Pastor,
Firstly I would like to appreciate what you are doing to people’s lives through your ministry.
I am a man aged 28 and I have been going out with this woman I want to marry next year for 10 months now. I must confess I sinned and up to now I still feel guilty. Late last month I had travelled out for work in a town where my ex is also, apparently we bumped into each other and I had to drop her by her place where I explained to her about my plans with the other lady and she seemed to be happy for me. Unfortunately, I fell prey and we fornicated, one thing which we never did in our two year relationship and which I have never done with the girl am going out with.
Agony, the girl claims her day for her menstrual periods has passed and she says she might be pregnant for me. She goes on to say she won’t involve me in this and she never wants me to see the child just in case she gives birth and that I should never bother her about it. Right now Pastor I don’t know what to do – whether to tell my girlfriend about it or not. I have asked for God’s forgiveness and I really want to marry my girl but with this my mind is so confused. Please help me on how I should handle this. Kind regards.
ANS: My brother, you are in a real mess and I suspect your experience will act as an example to others. For two whole years you were able to understand that sex was a gift to be enjoyed in marriage and then at a time when you were no longer a couple, you opted to have unprotected sex! Apart from the sin of fornication you have also exposed yourself to the risk if STIs, including HIV. You should always value yourself and treat your body as a temple of God.
I commend you for recognising the error of your ways and I must further encourage you to strive to be celibate. I assure you that if you ask any man or woman aged over 35 as to ‎whether they should have waited for marriage before they had sex – the answer would have been a resounding YES! Fornication takes away the beauty and sanctity of love-making so pray for strength.
As for your girlfriend 10 months is not a long enough period to form a good foundation. You definitely have to tell her but do not be surprised if she opts to end the relationship because you have demonstrated yourself to be a selfish liar.
If indeed the girl is pregnant, be prepared to take up the responsibility of taking care of your child. Marriage should not be an option you take to save face – wait on God for the right partner who will raise you up and not bring you down. I want to encourage you to turn God for forgiveness and strength. (I Corinthians 6:12-18)

Marriage love lines:
Dear Pastor
I am a lady aged 35 looking for a serious man aged between 33-42 of any race.  Call 0968-523311.
Dear Pastor
Blessings to you man of God. I am a lady aged 21 looking for a man aged between 24 and 30 interested men call me on 0963-524134.
Dear Pastor,
I greet you in the name of Jesus. I am a young man aged 33 looking for a single lady between 26-29. Call/text 0973-750738

Tip of the week
Marriage: Superficial problems can be addressed with simple advice, but significant conflict can only be resolved through hard work. However many conversations you need to have, keep working toward agreement.
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955-778068.

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