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My wife wants divorce

DEAR pastor
I am man aged 32 and I am married to a 25-year-old woman. We have been married for 1 year 6 months and we have one child.
My wife works in Chinsali and I work in Kapiri-mposhi. She wants a divorce after she discovered that I had a girlfriend just after we got married.
I have stopped seeing the girl but she does not want to forgive me and come back home. I have pushed for her transfer to Kapiri -Mposhi. I assured her that I no longer have a girlfriend please help.
ANS: Brother, thanks for your text and Happy New year. It is my prayer and sincere hope that this New Year will bring about a new perspective on life issues, change in behaviour and overall conduct in our daily interactions.
Further, that we shall have less cases of gender based violence as compared to 2016, which saw us as a country record more cases of such nature. We lost a good number of men as bread winners at the brutal hands of their wives and vice visa.
It is a pity to end your 2016 on a marital dispute note when others were celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ as couples and families.
Saddest part of your story is that hardly a year passed after your wedding, you already found a route to go separate ways, sad indeed!
Your marriage is too young to experience such set-backs. It is too short a period in marriage for both of you to think of divorce.
Love must have been stronger as Solomon puts it for your wife than anyone else. (Song of Solomon 8:6).
During vows we normally say, “I forsake all those I knew and all those I will come to know”.
Before tying the knot, we have to ensure we are starting on a clear sheet of paper without extra luggage (girl/boyfriend).
It appears from the beginning of your relationship, you have not been faithful and trustworthy.
You were expected to make your position known to your girlfriend that you had made a life time decision to belong to somebody else as husband.
And that you will have nothing to do with her in as far as your new relationship was concerned.
You betrayed the trust of your beloved wife who I believe is very disappointed with your selfish behaviour.
Brother it is time to be brave and shoulder the burden with an open mind. You have just disclosed that you have stopped seeing your girlfriend but your wife has failed to give you a benefit of doubt.
My advice, brother, is that as much as I appreciate your initiative to push for her transfer from Chinsali to Kapiri-Mposhi, you need also to show remorsefulness for your actions.
I am of the view that you ask for help from your marriage counsellors to sit you down with your wife. Let them help you arbitrate marriage reconciliation.
These counsellors will aid your wife understand your plea, believe and accept that you will never go back to your old ways.
In the meantime continue communicating with love, repentance and forgiveness. Instead of trying to show that as a man you expect her to accept the situation, read the Bible and books to discover how you could be a better husband, father, and friend of your wife.
Your change in attitude will have an amazing effect on her. Trust God and remain prayerful. I trust all shall be well. Blessings!
I am living in loveless marriage
Dear pastor
Greetings. I and my husband have been married for more than ten years now, but I feel I am living in a loveless marriage.
When we were first married, he called me every day from work. But slowly those phone calls grew further apart and finally stopped.
When I brought it up, he started calling again, but it wasn’t the same. When we watch TV in the evening, he would fall asleep.
I must confess here that the man is not abusive. He does not run around with other women. He neither drinks nor smokes. Can we separate to rethink of our future course of action? Kindly advise.
ANS: Dear madam, I thank you for taking a step to seek Godly Counsel. In my advice, I will limit myself to why separation or divorce isn’t the answer to your emptiness.
From a glance divorce appears to be the solution to most of our marital problems but that is a nightmare. (Malachi 2:16).
You’re a blessed woman. In your confession, your husband’s traits indicate that he is sober mannered.
He does not appear to be the man who can cause a fuss. His love of peace must be appreciated.
It is not time to separate and go different ways but for you to fan the flames in your marriage again.
Do not settle for the status quo. From experience, I know you cannot change your husband. There is only one person you can change: yourself. Jesus said, “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).
My own view, I suggest you try to do new things from today. I Corinthians 13, Love is not a feeling but action.
Make a decision to treat your husband with love, even though you do not feel like it. Instead of always pointing out his shortcomings, highlight and tell him the things he did right.
Take advantage of his strengths and help him. Soon he will start spending more time with you and when you stop overreacting to his comments, he will be freer to share more with you.
There is hope for a loveless marriages to rekindle. Blessings!
Dear pastor,
I am a man aged 38, with 3 children looking for a serious woman aged 27-30. Contact 0955-676071.
Dear pastor,
How are you? I’m very fine. I am a man aged 43 looking for a God fearing woman aged 37-43, who can start with me from ground level! She must be a pentecostal. 0950-608910.
Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 32 looking for government female friends aged 23-45. Nurses, teachers, accountants, secretaries, soldiers, clerks, clinical, officers, doctors. Can call 0979-307667.
Help lines:
Dear pastor,
It’s my prayer you are fine. Well I am a physically-handicapped third year female student at Crossway College Ndola, looking for sponsorship. My contact numbers are 0966-564322 /0977-167208
Tip of the week
Marriage: Be courageous enough to assess your relationship regularly. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@ or or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.

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