Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
I AM a married man with 2 children. Our marriage has never been that easy. We have been in and out of family discussions to try and find peace between I and my wife.
I am a Christian but I drink and she drinks, sometimes to extremes. Last Sunday, December 4, 2016 I had a rude shock of my life, when after a domestic dispute my wife attempted to stab me with a knife.
My wife went on her drinking spree and came home around 22:00 hours drunk. The scuffle ensued when I questioned why she was coming home late and drunk.
After an hour of arguing, I decided to sleep but my wife got a kitchen knife and attempted to stab me. I had to call for help and neighbours came, broke the door to rescue me from a blood thirsty woman.
We took her to the police and she was locked up the same night. To cut a long story short, should I divorce her or what should I do?
ANS: Brother, I thank you for your courage to share with us your ordeal. I wish also to thank God that you are alive, courtesy of your loving neighbours who responded quickly to rescue you from your â€˜dangerousâ€™ wife. I salute them very much for having come to your aid.
Your problem has to do with the foundation of your marriage. Youâ€™ve just highlighted in your text that you have been having differences from time immemorial. This is an indication that things have not been well in your marriage. From your explanation, you have never tasted peace in your marriage.
It is a pity that both of you wife and husband drink and sometimes to extremes. I do not know where you first found love to marry. How did you meet, if I may ask? Was it in the bar or just in the normal way like any other person has found love and everlasting love?
Taking alcohol to extremes is regarded as a vice that both of you seem to have been struggling with which I believe should be avoided if you are to smell peace in your home.
As a Christian, you need to seek help for counselling and prayers from your church to overcome your drinking habits. They are the major fuel of your scuffles.
Due to these vices, no one seems to be controlling the other. As a man, you have failed to be in charge of your home. You have failed to give leadership, guidance and direction in your home.
A proper rehabilitation of both of you is needed if you are to continue as wife and husband. In the absence of this, your marriage will never be a marriage again.
What almost happened on Sunday will be a reality and it will be very sad to lose life in the name of marriage.
Your wife is a danger not only to you but to society as well. Itâ€™s good you reported the matter to the police and thank God they kept her in custody. Staying apart for now will be safe for you and your children until rehabilitation of your souls as earlier mentioned has taken place. We all wish to live in peaceful homes and marriages.
Absence of peace is an eyesore to everyone. Please keep this woman at bay.
Brother, seek help quickly from your church, police victim support unit or women NGOs such as Young Women Christian Association (YWCA). They do have counselling and rehabilitation sections. Get help now before you are killed. Blessings!
Are we committing adultery?
I just recently became a Christian. Both my husband and I are divorced and remarried. So, according to Matthew 5:31-32, are we living in sin committing adultery?
Somehow, I find it hard to believe that God would want us to divorce each other and return to our previous spouses. This really concerns me. Based on what the Bible says, are we living in sin?
ANS: Dear concerned wife thanks for coming through. Well, over the years, thereâ€™s been a lot of controversy about how to interpret biblical teaching on the subject of divorce.
Some seem to completely ignore the grace of God and the wisdom and guidance of all the other scriptures in the Bible for an extreme form of legalism.
Others seem to go to great lengths to find ways to dismiss what the Bible teaches, explaining it away as though itâ€™s no longer relevant. Both approaches are dangerous.
Scripture is clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), that he considers the marriage vow a sacred covenant.
But there are certain circumstances in which divorce is permitted, and in which remarriage is not frowned upon (for example, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 19:3-12).
From what I can deduce, a lot depends on the circumstances and the attitudes of those involved. The scriptures seem to say those who take marriage lightly, divorcing for frivolous reasons (such as to pursue unbridled passion) will be held accountable.
In your case, I think the answer is fairly straightforward. Two wrongs donâ€™t make a right; a second divorce isnâ€™t the answer.
Christians may disagree about whether or not it is appropriate for a divorced believer to remarry and under what circumstances.
Each one of us has to seek God, study the scriptures, and make our own peace with the issue. But once itâ€™s done, sin or not, like many choices weâ€™ve made in the past, it canâ€™t be undone.
All we can do is confess our part in the failures of the past, repent, and determine in our hearts to do everything we can to walk in obedience with God today.
That includes making every effort to make your present marriage everything that God intended marriage to be. Blessings!
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Tip of the week
Marriage: For peace and stability in marriage, the man should give leadership, guidance and direction. Blessings!
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Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI