Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
I HAVE married a woman with 4 children. Two of the children are well behaved. I have a problem with the other two, who misbehave to the extent that they irritate me. I have talked to them and their mother, but they do not listen. What should I do?
ANS: Dear sir, I thank you for your quest for advice. Second marriages come with their own challenges such as the one you are experiencing.
When you married this woman, it meant you were willing and ready to carry the extra responsibility of looking after those four children just as your own biological children.
As long as you are married and living together with these children, you are their father and you have to offer fatherly love, care, leadership and discipline. You cannot love their mother and hate the two children.
You have a fatherly duty to train and discipline them like your own children and without fail. You are their new father, therefore do not leave this responsibility of training and disciplining of children to your wife.
Offer leadership and headship to your family. If you have children from another marriage, treat them equally and fairly as one family without showing partiality. Blessings!
How can I rebuild trust after an affair?
One day I lifted the phone out of my husbandâ€™s hands. He was so tired that heâ€™d fallen asleep in bed while texting.
I had come home late from an out-of-town trip to find him in bed. As I went to plug in his phone for the night, I saw a conversation on the screen that took my breath away.
He had been texting a woman, and a quick glance through the texts indicated that there had been more than just a texting relationship. My husband had been unfaithful. I want to throw up, advise!
I have been married for 14 years but to be honest I was unfaithful to my wife for 12 years of our 14 years in marriage. Iâ€™m now changed and I do not indulge in extra marital affairs any more. I just want to be with my wife and children. I love her and I wonâ€™t go back to my old ways. How can she trust me again?
ANS: Dear sister and brother, I will offer the same piece of advice for both of you owing to the fact that you have a similar situation.
Friends, your stories arenâ€™t rare. Many couples navigate the realities of infidelity. Trust can also be broken by constant criticism, dishonesty, financial mismanagement, or even unguarded conversations with someone of the opposite sex.
Most marriages have likely experienced broken trust in some way, big or small. But it is possible to reconnect two hearts that have been broken.
Rebuilding trust requires effort from both parties. The first step in this is to offer true accountability. It is a beautiful tool the trust-breaker can use to begin to restore trustworthiness. Let him be an open book. For the most part, he should be the one pushing information your way rather than requiring you to pull it out of him. This helps to be consistent in words and actions.
A marriage with a foundation of trust has no secrets. Your spouse should have a â€œmaster keyâ€ to every part of your life. When trust is broken, the process of healing is painful for both of you in different ways, and mutual respect is crucial.
The one who broke trust needs to respect the betrayed spouseâ€™s emotions. Similarly, the betrayed spouse, needs to show respect in the way they speak to the other spouse.
Ultimately, both have to resist the urge to react to one another in your hurt, responding instead with love and respect.
Further, sister you are to forgive and forgive some more. Brother you are to seek forgiveness and some more. Forgiveness isnâ€™t a feeling – itâ€™s a choice we make.
Depending on the size of the break in trust, forgiveness may be a process, but it isnâ€™t an option. If you have accepted Godâ€™s forgiveness, you have the power to forgive (Ephesians 4:32). It is a requirement for rebuilding trust.
If both parties are humble, broken, and ready to repair, the hope of an even better relationship outweighs the risk of more pain.
God longs to redeem the broken places in our lives. He wants to trade beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3) and to redeem what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). Blessings!
I am in love with a school girl
I am a man aged 22 and in love with a school girl aged 18 who I love with all my heart. Weâ€™ve been in a relationship for 1 year now, but when I ask her to reach home to be known to her parents she is refusing. Please Pastor advise! What should I do?
ANS: Brother, thanks for your text. It is a wonderful thing to be in love with someone.
You mentioned that you are in love with a school girl, right? For her to hesitate to introduce you to her parents as fiancÃ©e means she is not ready for such a moment now owing to the fact that she is expected to be busy with school work. She knows her parents and so she would not gamble with taking such a step.
Your desire to be introduced and known to her parents is good but can be postponed to a later date in future. You need to respect her decision to finish school before you can engage her in serious love matters. She loves you but patience is required from you. If you really love her wholeheartedly, excise patience until she finishes school. In the meantime communication should continue to flow. Blessings!
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Tip of the Week
Marriage: A marriage with a foundation of trust has no secrets. Blessings!
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Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI