Columnists Features

‘My fiancée double crossing us’

Dear Pastor,
I AM a Christian. I found a lady to marry and I have paid insalamu and even started paying bride price but unfortunately, there is another man she is seeing, what can I do pastor? Advise.
ANS: Brother, thanks for your text. It’s very unfortunate for you to find yourself in such a situation. Your fiancée appears indecisive for her to tangle two men. I do not know the criteria she is employing to accept love proposal from two men. Is it ‘first come, first marry basis?’ or she wants to ‘eat with both hands’?
Granted, you need seriously to sit her down and discuss exhaustively this matter before you can finish up paying the bride price.
You have the right to know why she has maintained two relationships and how far the other man has gone with the relationship and engagements.
Has the family accepted the other man or they are just having a private relationship which is not known even to her parents?
I do not ascribe to fact that a sane parent would accept two sons-in-law at the same time. Your fiancée seems to be hitting-out with the man without the knowledge of her parents.
Brother, I encourage you to take a bold step to resolve this matter quickly. If it means backing out of this relationship completely, let it be.
This lady’s heart is not wholly with you. She is double-minded. She is in the wilderness – does not know who is who in her life. She is still experimenting to arrive at a possible ‘Mr’ Right.
Depending on the outcome of your discussion, you can opt to discontinue with this relationship instantaneously. You will not lose anything by making such a decision. In fact, you will serve yourself from future heartaches.
Blessings!
***
Is wanting better sex wrong?
Dear Pastor,
I am a married woman. It took me years as a married woman to admit that I have certain sexual desires that aren’t always fulfilled.
Behind my hesitation lies the fear that wanting more sex, better sex, or different sex is somehow wrong. How true is this?
ANS: Dear madam, thanks for your concerns raised here. From the Christian point of view, we value sex as a God-given gift for marriage.
It’s not all about what we want, but about union, self-giving love, and faithfulness to God’s image in us. At the same time, God intended sex to be pleasurable for both women and men. (Song of Solomon 4:3-12, 5:8)
It makes sense too within the larger scheme of who God is. God as a lover delights in and yearns to delight his beloved.
If our relationships and sex lives reflect in a small way God’s own passion and pleasure should rightfully be part of the picture.
It’s a good thing to voice what we want, as long as we’re able to situate our desires within the broader story of God’s character and love.
The question you may ask is: will our desires be too much to handle? Is it better just to keep them locked up? Well, it takes much wisdom and maturity to discern lustful impulse from God-given desire, and much grace and self-control to live in the tension of unmet desires.
Nevertheless, I believe that being awake to and voicing our desires, not in a demanding or entitled way, but in a open-handed, trusting way, is to live more fully, to be capable of deeper intimacy, and, in short, to be more human.
Madam, wanting more sex, better sex, or different sex is not wrong at all. May we all walk with God into the fullness of our humanity, desires and all, receiving more goodness and grace than we believe possible.
Blessings!
***
LOVE LINES:
Dear Pastor,
How are you? I am very fine. pastor, I do not have much to say. All I want to say is thank you for this column. Through your column (Love lines) I got a good, perfect and suitable lady to my heart. I am encouraging those who seek their partners to take this column serious. Just remember us in your prayers so that there will be no stumbling block in our marriage. Thanks pastor.
Dear Pastor,
Through your esteemed column may I solicit your assistance in getting me a friendship which may lead to a marriage. I am an adult Swazi aged 51, currently employed and looking for a lady aged 35-40, fair in complexion, size 36-38 and a professional, either in teaching or nursing.
She must have a strong rural background as I am a man from very humble background. She must be beautiful and have a very good heart. Smokers and drinkers need not bother. Christians are most welcome. I have one child from a previous marriage. My cell number is +26876481668.
Dear pastor,
I am man aged 31 looking for a single lady to marry. I live in Kafue. 0950-945167.
Dear pastor,
I am a woman aged 52, HIV with 3 children looking for a serious man aged 53-60, no time wasters. 0979-323837.
Dear pastor,
I am a virgin man aged 32 looking for virgin female aged 23-26 with no child, only catholics to call 0950-608305.
Dear pastor,
I am a lady aged 37 based in Solwezi looking for a man to marry aged 40 and above HIV+, God-fearing.
TIP OF THE WEEK
Marriage: Even if you feel overwhelmingly attracted to another man, unfaithfulness doesn’t have to be your destiny.
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile, let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.

Send Your Letters

Facebook Feed

Ad1