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My fiancée aborted without my permission

GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR KATAI
I have been in a relationship with a woman I love so much for a year now. I was thinking of marrying her once I settled but the only problem is that I do not trust her because she lied to me in the beginning about her career and aborted her pregnancy I was responsible for without my permission.
She seems to have changed but it is hard for me to trust her. Could it be that she is the one or I am just wasting my time? What should I do?
ANS: Brother thanks for coming through to Godly counsel.
Trust is a very important ingredient to any type of relationship. You have already stated that you no longer trust the person that you plan to marry and this is a clear indication of a pathway to disappointment.
I find it difficult to understand what your expectations from a marriage partner are.
It is difficult to hold a person to a standard that you yourself did not meet. You say the young lady is your fianc̩e but you are also talking about her wasting your time. Are you sure of yourself? РPhilippians 1:9-10
You and the young lady seem to be flirting with disaster, please take a step back and establish what you are looking for in this woman. Are you pursuing physical attributes or are you ready to establish a life-long friendship with this girl?
It is important to be able to communicate clearly with the woman you love and you must be able to confide and support each other – short of which your relationship will fail.
Blessings!
***
I want to divorce due to lack of unity
Dear Pastor,
My heart is heavy, as I deeply consider ending my 12-year marriage because of the lack of co-operation between me and my wife.
The circumstances under which we married have contributed to years of arguments, disappointment and pain.
I took up the commitment to marry her when she fell pregnant while doing her Grade 9. At the time I was young and not able
to provide sufficient resources so a decision was made for her to remain in her family’s custody.
As the years progressed I eventually managed to get her in my home, although there was a lot of resistance and accusations between our families.
I tried to convince her to return to school but she has been unwilling. Attempts to get her to do some small business have also failed.
We now have three children, none of whom were planned for.
Every day I feel more and more disappointed by her unwillingness to make a plan for the future or support me in decisions.
I am a Christian, I go to Seventh Day Adventist while she used to go to United Church of Zambia, I think our problems are too many.
Please advise me as I want to divorce her because we don’t pull the strings of life together. There is no co-operation between her and me or even between her family and mine. Your advice will be highly appreciated. Thanks.
ANS: Dear Brother, thanks for your email.
Proverbs 18:22 reads, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord”.
I wish to congratulate you on your unrelenting commitment towards keeping your family through all the ups and downs. Your long letter gives me the sense that despite your challenges the option of divorce seems painful to you.
My brother, your wife was hurled into motherhood at a time that she was not ready and her educational journey was cut short.
Neither of you underwent counselling nor guidance to prepare you for a married life and as a young mother she was not as socially exposed as you.
It is unfair of you to pressure your wife into following your line of thinking because she is not as knowledgeable as you are – and complaining is not a solution, even though her language might be so discouraging.
This is a time to uplift your wife. Understand her properly, appreciate her strengths. She has weathered the storms of this marriage quietly – she never lost confidence in you.
Honour your wife!
Spend time to really get to know her, please understand that she may not be able to understand or contribute to your ambitions for the family but in her own way she is committed to you.
Stop trying to impose your good ideas on her – instead find out what she is comfortable with and respect her for that.1 Peter 3:7
If you can demonstrate to your wife the positive aspects of being a Christian, I am sure she will also follow you to your church.
Place your trust in God and demonstrate your commitment to your marriage – you will surely be rewarded.
Blessings!
***
LOVE LINES:
Dear pastor,
Am a lady aged 28, looking for serious friends between the age of 35 to 90. 0977944045.
Dear pastor,
I am a lady aged 41, HIV negative, divorced. I am looking for a serious and God fearing man aged 45-50, HIV negative widower or divorced from any country. Call or sms on 0950-352411.
Dear pastor,
I am a lady aged 21 based in Lusaka looking for a serious and mature man aged 24-28, must be Christian. 0960-268582.
Dear pastor,
I am a single lady aged 31 looking for a man aged 35-40, one who will understand me. 0963-541388.
Dear pastor,
I am a man aged 35 looking for white/black lady God fearing, career or business oriented, taller than 1.6m aged 20-30 Zambian or foreign, at least with boy child for I have a girl, ready to settle.
0950-468822.
***
Tip of the week
Marriage: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord”. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.

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