Columnists

Love at first sight

PASTOR Chilufya and his wife Jaqueline.

How we met:
MONICA KAYOMBO, Ndola
PASTOR Oliver Chilufya 37 is now settled in life with his wife, Jaqueline Manda Chilufya in a web of love that evolved from a 2009 Valentines date

at Kamonga Motel in Kitwe.
As they dined, Oliver asked Jacqueline to make one wish and her response was they be joined together as husband and wife.
The couple first met at David Kaunda Technical School in Lusaka then as at the Pentecost Assemblies of God national youth camp in 2007.
Then it never occurred they would one day live under one roof as husband and wife.
But it was only later during a church service when Jacqueline was singing in the choir at Beacon of Hope in Ndola, a year later, that Oliver secretly singled her out as the one in whom his interest lay.
Oliver approached Jacquline after the church service and asked her if he could befriend her, leading to a relationship which came to fruition on the Valentine’s date when he engaged her.
“We were all dressed in red and I was there with my red bicycle,” he said.
At that time, Oliver had no vehicle and the bicycle met all his transport needs during their courtship.
He was attached to Beacon of Hope, also known as Kansenshi Assemblies of God as youth pastor under the supervision of Bishop Donald Chirambo, the church overseer.
He went there after graduating from the Trans Africa Christian University, 14 years ago. And this is where he met his wife whom he wedded on October 31, 2010.
Pastor Oliver grew up in Mufulira on the Copperbelt, having been raised in a Christian home under Christian principles.
“I come from a spiritual and loving home and our parents sacrificed for us to be educated,” he said.
Unlike Oliver, Jacqueline’s parents divorced when she was four years old and she was brought up by her mother in Kitwe.
Communication and sharing their past has contributed to his adjustment to accommodate his wife without expecting a lot from her.
“With that understanding of her background, I knew that I was not to expect much but to contribute much,’’ he said.
He said his wife missed some stages in life which she is now catching up with.
From the start of their relationship, Pastor Oliver understood his wife each time she became defensive because she was vulnerable during her childhood and learnt to survive by instinct.
He says he taught his wife to open up on a number of issues because he grew up in an environment where communication was paramount.
Like any other couple, they have challenges in their marriage but their resolve is not to allow any amount of trouble steal their peace.
Their love is based on I Corinthians13 concerning love which suffers long and conquers all.
They have four children by the names of Natasha, Mutende, Kutemwa and a boy, Tusha and they describe their relationship as simple, unique and interesting.
Mrs Chilufya explains that as a husband and wife, they know that each couple is unique and they do not compare themselves with other couples.
“You need to understand yourselves and learn to be content with what God has given you. We do not compare ourselves with other couples and that has really helped us a lot,’’ she said.
She said despite marital challenges, couples must remain united and resolve their problems together.
“When we have a difference, I need to understand that this is my bone, flesh of my flesh, so we need to see the way out together,” he said.
According to Jacqueline, the couple took time during their courtship to understand each other’s background and feelings and this has helped them to cope with life.
As a pastor, father and husband, Pastor Oliver apportions his time to the flock, his wife and children because he is passionate about whatever he does.
“I am a parent, a husband and I have a church, which is also my flock. One thing I have learnt is to balance. When I am at church, I am the father of the congregation and when I am at home, I am the father of my children and also a husband,” he said.
He says when he is at work, he puts in his best and ensures that he does not carry work home because he is a family man.
In the wake of spouse killings, Pastor Oliver advises couples to care about their actions towards each other.
He says killing a spouse on account of cheating in the marriage is sinful.
He notes that most marital problems arise due to prolonged absence of a spouse from home and lack of attention to complaints by a spouse.
“Let us not rush into judgement but let us reflect, withdraw, understand the situation and the cause of the problem at hand,” he said.
Jacqueline believes that every woman, regardless, of the academic and economic background, is required to submit to her husband because he is the head of the house.
“It is actually a blessing to be submissive. I am encouraging women out there not to compete with their husbands. Let us give them respect and submit to them,” she said.
She said when you suspect that your husband is cheating, do not rush to conclusion, you need to sit and analyse the situation.
“You need to know why your husband is doing that. You do not need to shout at him. Let us also pray for our husbands and be wise,” she said.
Their desire is to raise their children in a godly way and help the underprivileged.

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