Couples Editor's Choice Life and Style

Kids before marriage?

GODLY COUNSEL with EVANGELIST KATAI
Dear Pastor,
I am a 42-year-man in love with a 39-year-old woman who has two children. She wants me to have children with her before we get married, please help.
ANS: Thank you brother for this text. The request by your beloved lady is not morally right. Her approach to men could have led to current status of being single mother of two.  In her effort to please men she ended up having those two children. In my view she does not value and respect herself. She seems to believe that the only way to win a man’s love and commitment is to have sex with them, which is wrong. Suppose you agree to her demand but later change your mind on decision to marry her, what happens to the children? If you are serious to marry this woman make her understand that sex is not the litmus paper for love but her faithfulness and commitment to the relationship. The Bible does not allow sex before marriage unless you’re on a mission to experiment which may turn to be disastrous in the end. Don’t accept her proposal. Blessings!
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‘He is quiet after paying dowry’
Dear Pastor
Greetings! I am a woman aged 31. I have a child with this man. He has made part payments for dowry. The problem is that in September this year he brought a woman to his place and his sister told me that she stays with them. I asked him about it but he denied staying with a woman. He paid part of the dowry in 2012 but up to now he has not finished. This time he does not talk about marriage. We are in different towns. What should I do, is he the right man for marriage? Help me.
ANS: Thank you dear for your text. I do not think this man is still interested in you despite having paid part of the dowry. This man seems to have changed his mind. It is time you started thinking seriously about your future. 2 years is too long for a man to keep quiet about something he started. So let him own-up so that you know the truth unlike waiting for someone who may not be available for you. Let him say the truth and close the chapter now. Blessings!
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‘I’m caught in between two lovers’
Dear pastor
I am a female student aged 19 based in the southern part of Zambia. I have a boyfriend who loves me so much but unfortunately I am in love with someone else. I have been in relationship since grade 11 and he took me to his parents. I don’t want to hurt him but I fill I should follow my heart. Please pastor I seek your advice. God bless you and have a nice day.
ANS: God bless you too sis, thank you. But I find you to be very unfair to him. You should not have treated him that way for having waited for you since your grade 11. On this one you have played double standards and it is not safe for you. Remember Jesus’ golden rule, “Do unto others as you would want them do to you” (Mathew 7:12). If you were in his shoes how you would feel? Why should you leave somebody who really loves you? The other man might just be misleading you by enticing you with material things which may be here today and not there tomorrow. Think wisely before you finally ditch him. To me this long time boyfriend means well and serious for a life time partnership. Blessings!
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Is dating a neighbour wrong?
Dear pastor
I have a girlfriend who happens to be my neighbour. Now my sisters and mother are always attacking her. I bought her a phone and my young brother was sent to grab it from her. Now is it a problem to date a neighbour. What should I do?
ANS: Brother thanks for you text. It should not be an issue for you date a neighbour. Traditionally, it is advisable that you court someone known very well to the family. It is in this manner that you are able to know the character of your partner before you finally marry. And it is from our neighbourhood that our dear parents would recommend on a well cultured girl or boy (Genesis 24). It is unfortunate that it is happening in your life. I sense there is something your mother and siblings are trying to protect about you which I believe you should investigate before you come to conclusions.
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How can I find a man?
Dear pastor
How can I find a man who can really love me and respect my Christian values? I am 40, a virgin. God forbids sex before marriage. Have been in two serious relations before. We broke up, because those men wanted to sleep with me before the wedding night. Kindly help.
ANS: Thanks for your text. Serious men respect and want well-mannered women. You can only find a well mannered and serious man by being a little bit patient. If you are in hurry you will stumble on a wrong married man or play boy! Wait upon the Lord (Psalm 27:14) and keep cool, God will one day bring your Adam. Blessings!

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Dear pastor
I am a Lusaka man single looking for a single or divorced woman to marry between 25-35. Call 0953-554154
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Dear pastor
I am a single parent aged 36 with 2 children looking for a hard working and God fearing man aged between 40-50 who is HIV+ sms your details 0976-465747
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I am a Tumbuka man aged 34 and single with a son based in Kabwe looking for a lady to marry of any age, race, tribe. Call 0974-497206.
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Dear Pastor
I am a single mother aged 47 with three boys, very lonely wanting companion, God fearing aged between 50-55. 0966-733407.
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Dear pastor
I am a God fearing single lady aged 45 looking for a God fearing single lady aged between 30-40. Text to 0950-552788.
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Tip of the week
Marriage:  “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers but a prudent wife is from the Lord” Proverbs 19:14. Make a wise decision before you pick on whom to marry. Let God guide your heart, not your feelings! Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday.
Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com or sms 0967/0955-778068.

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