Gender Gender

I’m in love with a pastor

Dear Rapheal and Namukolo
I am a 23 year old woman going out with a pastor from a certain church in Zingalume township in Lusaka. He stays alone and I am two months pregnant from him. The problem is he is telling me to abort, which is against my beliefs. He loves me and one afternoon I called him and a lady answered his phone saying she is the wife. Its’ been 3 weeks since I last went to his house. Please help me.
Dear Ju,
Please quickly come to your senses and run before something worse happens to you! Your man is a fluke! A genuine pastor is supposed to uphold the standards of God’s law and commandments. The bible clearly teaches us that sex outside marriage is a sin but your pastor friend is busy sleeping with you outside marriage. The bible teaches us that abortion is murder as the developing child in your womb is fully human just like all of us, but your pastor friend is encouraging you to abort! And now to crown it all there is another woman in his life!
You call him a pastor, the bible calls people like him; ‘hypocrites, fornicators, murderers and liars!’ Sample the following words which were directed at some religious leaders by Christ himself: Matthew 23:25-28 NIV Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.  (26)  Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.  (27)  Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.  (28)  In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
We fully understand that you are emotionally attached to this man, but you need to urgently see through his tricks and drop him like you would drop a hot piece of iron! Save yourself. Save your unborn child. And save your life!
Lastly, if your pastor friend belongs to a genuine church which has a genuine leadership in place, you must report all that has happened to the church leadership. And if you can get access to the other woman you talked to on the phone, it would be advisable to also tell her what has happened so that the tricks of this man should be completely exposed.
Is it wrong to search ?
Dear Raphael and Namukolo,
Is it wrong to search in your husband’s pockets when washing or when he leaves his cloths on the bed?
Dear BB,
It depends on why you want to check his pockets. If it is to ensure that all items are removed before washing the clothes then there is nothing wrong.
But if it is searching for possible evidence of him cheating on you then there is everything wrong. Married couples are supposed to trust each other. If you have reason to believe that your husband is being unfaithful then you must find a way of addressing the suspicions so that trust is restored. A marriage without trust is a marriage without a solid foundation.
If your spouse is trustworthy he will be very offended if he discovers that you search his pockets looking for possible evidence of cheating. We are sure that you also would not like him to be in the habit of searching your handbag looking for possible notes from lovers!
Rather build trust for each other and there will be no need for suspicion.
Love is not just a nice romantic feeling towards another person. Rather it is a commitment to be true to them and to always treat them in a dignified manner.
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