How we met:
MIKE MUGALA, Lusaka
IT WAS an answered prayer for Jeffrey Mumbi when he met Jane Kalwandu, now his wife of 12 years.He had just come from a broken relationship and was in the process of healing.
Jeffrey went before God and presented a vision of the type of woman he wanted to settle down with.
“I knew that she was the right woman for me because she met the requirements I was looking for. I already had a picture in my mind and I knew she was the one when we met,” he says.
Though Jeffrey knew Jane earlier, he did not have intentions until he began to notice that she had the qualities he was looking for.
According to him, his eyes were opened and he began to develop interest in her.
The pair met at Bread of Life church in Emmasdale in 2004. Jeffrey was in the counselling ministry while Jane was an usher.
He vividly remembers how he bought her chips on their first date at a restaurant on Cairo Road.
“I did not want the issue of lack of money on our first date to be a hindrance, so I just bought her chips. I also did not hesitate to make my intentions known on our first date,” Jeffrey says.
Jane, on the other hand, fell in love with Jeffrey on their first date and she liked his boldness and genuineness.
She was convinced that he was the right man for her because he was real and truthful to her.
Jane made up her mind though she never wanted to get married to a man from the same church prior to their meeting.
“I wanted to get married to a man outside church because I noticed that a lot of men in church were living a double-standard life. I used to argue whenever my friends told me that I would get married to a pastor” she says.
Like Jeffrey, Jane had also come from a broken relationship and she only got into another two years later.
During the course of their courtship, the two mostly spent their time in the youth fellowship, especially on weekends.
“I had to shift from Garden compound to Emmasdale. I used to go to her place after work and we would chat and talk about various issues,” Jeffrey says.
The pair courted for about two years before they got married on June 25, 2006.
Now married for 12 years and with four children, Jeffrey says that his marriage has had its share of good and bad moments.
He says understanding, communication and trust are vital to strengthening a marriage.
Jane agrees “I have learnt that understanding is cardinal to the sustenance of a marriage. I have also discovered that people should not go into marriage with expectations.”
Jeffrey says a couple must be open to each other to build trust and prevent their marriage from cracking.
He says men should be open enough to disclose their finances to their wives to avoid problems.
“The top priority a man needs is to be trusted, trust does not mean the absence of problems. A woman on the other hand needs to be taken care of,” Jeffrey says.
He has in the course of his marriage learnt that some marriages break because they were not built on the foundation of God.
Jane says a couple should trust in God and enquire from him whenever their marriage is undergoing problems.
She says God is the author of marriage and couples must depend on him for it to work.
“Challenges are there in marriage but God should be at the centre if those are to be solved. I want to advise women to have a Good relationship with God,” Jane says.
Jeffrey says a couple must also understand issues of sexuality and feel free to discuss them openly.
He says issues of sexuality have the capacity to break a marriage if they are not properly addressed.
Jeffrey says it is important for people in marriage to satisfy each other sexually.
“Problems are not meant to break a marriage but strengthen it. A couple must ensure that they provide an ideal environment for children,” he says.
Jeffrey said a father must be a vision, a woman structure a family while children must give a picture to the family.
He says his wife has been with him through the turns and twists of his life. He says a family should be ideal.
Jane says a woman must be a suitable helper and companion to her husband to build her home.
“A woman must look at the vision that a man has and not his possession or wealth, a vision is important in a man,” she says.
How we met: