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I am dating my boyfriend’s cousin

DEAR pastor,
I am lady aged 18, who has a six months old baby girl. I was in love with a 23-year-old man, who is the father of my baby. But when I got pregnant, he neglected me because I refused to abort the baby.

After I gave birth, I continued to talk to his cousin who has always been there for me during and after my pregnancy.

The cousin confessed his feelings for me and it turned out that I also feel the same. I am now dating with his cousin and my baby’s father wants to start supporting the child but the sad part is that I no longer love him and I do not want to lose his cousin.
Should I tell him that I am now seeing his cousin?
Answer: Greetings, my daughter, I am happy that you have reached out for advice and I am sure your situation can help many other young lovers.
Eighteen is a very tender age to be entering into such complicated situations. I am assuming that the father of the child and your current boyfriend are equally young who are coming from the same family. I hope there are elders that can advise all three of you on the seriousness of raising a child.
As a parent, you must ensure the future of the child through the provision of food, clothing and shelter. Out of common decency, you both must tell the man that you are dating his cousin – I advise you to be ready for all the bad things that family members might say about you.
You are young and allowed to make mistakes – as long as you learn from them.
Find an elder that you can confide in – who can help you make better decisions for your future. Having a boyfriend is not a priority. Blessings!
Are we committing adultery?
Dear pastor,
I just recently became a Christian. Both my husband and I are divorced and remarried. So, according to Matthew 5:31-32, are we living in sin – committing adultery?
Somehow I find it hard to believe that God would want us to divorce each other and return to our previous spouses.
In any case, we can’t, we have each re-married. I so want to please God, but this really concerns me. Based on what the Bible says, are we living in sin?
Answer: Dear concerned wife, thanks for coming through to Godly Counsel. Well, I am not privy to the circumstances that led to the dissolution of your first marriage. Nevertheless, I will give counsel based on your current situation.
The scripture is clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), that He considers the marriage vow a sacred covenant. But there are certain circumstances in which divorce is permitted, and in which re-marriage is not frowned upon (for example, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 19:3-12).
In my considered opinion, a lot depends on the circumstances and the attitudes of those involved.
The scriptures seem to say those who take marriage lightly, divorcing for frivolous reasons (such as to pursue unbridled passion) will be held accountable.
In your case, I think the answer is fairly straightforward. Two wrongs don’t make a right; a second divorce is not the answer.
Christians may disagree about whether or not it is appropriate for a divorced believer to remarry and under what circumstances.
Each one of us has to seek God, study the scriptures, and make our own peace with the issue.
Once it’s done, sin or not, like many choices we’ve made in the past, it can’t be undone.
All we can do is confess our part in the failures of the past, repent, and determine in our hearts to do everything we can to walk in obedience of God today.
This includes making every effort to make your present marriage everything that God intended marriage to be.
‘You are a blessing’
Dear pastor,
The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are but how happy others are because of you. You are such a blessing, a great person and your life is such an inspiration. You are the apple of God’s eye sir!
Answer: Dear Christian, I am short of words to appreciate your encouragement and sentiments.
I find great joy to know that my little contribution to the well-being of society is being recognised and appreciated by someone out there.
May I simply say, you too, are a blessing and an inspiration to me. Continue reading this column. Once again, thank you for your support. Blessings!
Love lines:
Dear pastor,
I am woman aged 22 looking for a serious man to marry; God fearing and aged 25-35.Contact 0969-619805.
Dear pastor,
I am a single man aged 30 looking for a serious single, wonderful, beautiful and financially stable lady in Lusaka aged 25-50. Anyone interested, contact 0963-795998.
Dear pastor,
I am a man aged 47 in formal employment looking for a lady to marry aged 35-45 working as a civil servant, preferably a teacher, nurse or police officer. Serious ladies based in Lusaka must call on 0955-401222.
Dear pastor,
I am a man aged 24, looking for a single lady to date aged 20-30 within Lusaka, Woodlands. Call 0955-056499.
Tip of the week
Marriage: We can’t erase our experiences, but we can recover an innocence of soul, an inner cleansing that brings wholeness. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile, let’s continue interacting via email on or or SMS 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.