Gender Gender

How to handle conflicts

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Life & Life Issues with EMMANUEL MUKULA
DISAGREEMENTS are sure to happen in a marriage, but they do not have to lead to hurtful arguments.
You need to commit your lives and marriage to Jesus Christ as Lord and marriage is a life-long commitment, just as Christ is eternally committed to His bride, the Church.
Agree to always listen to each other’s feelings even if you disagree with the appropriateness of those feelings and ensure that you commit yourselves to both honesty and acceptance.
Always determine to attempt to love each other unconditionally; with each partner assuming 100 percent of the responsibility for resolving marital conflicts the 50/50 concept seldom works.
Consider all the factors in a conflict before bringing it up with your partner and limit the conflict to the here and now and never bring up past failures, since all past failures should have already been forgiven.
I wish to remind couples to always limit the discussion to the one issue that is the centre of the conflict. Focus on that issue rather than attacking each other because this will not help.
Ask your partner if he or she would like some time to think about the conflict before discussing it but never put it off past bedtime – See Ephesians. 4:26.
Remember to never say anything derogatory about your partner’s personality. Proverbs 11:12 tells us that he who despises or belittles his neighbour lacks sense.
Even though your mate won’t always be correct, consider your mate an instrument of God, working in your life to help you become who God wants you to be. Proverbs 12:1 says, “He who hates reproof is stupid.”
Never counter attack, even if your partner does not follow these guidelines. Don’t tell your partner why you think he or she does what he does unless he/ she asks you, but rather stick to how you feel about what he does.
Don’t try to read your partner’s mind. If you’re not sure what he meant by something he said, ask him or her to clarify it rather than making assumptions.
Commit yourselves to follow the instructions carefully in “Dealing with anger biblically” section. This will help you avoid depression, which results in increased irritability and increased martial conflicts.
Be honest about your true emotions, but keep them under control. Proverbs 29:11 says a fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back and Proverbs 15:18 say, a hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger pacifies contention.
Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what is important, not who wins or loses is. If the conflict is resolved, you both win.
You are on the same team, not opposing, competing teams. Agree with each other on what topics are “out of bounds” because they are too hurtful or have already been discussed as things may have a long-term negative effect on your marriage.
Lastly, I wish to urge you to pray about each conflict before discussing it with your partner. Commit yourselves to carefully learn and practise these guidelines I have given for “fighting fair” in marriage and agree with each other to call “foul” whenever one of you accidentally or purposefully breaks one of these guidelines.
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