Gender Gender

How to best resolve marriage conflicts

Life & Life Issues with EMMANUEL MUKULA
FROM my years of being a counsellor, I have always believed that couples can resolve their grievances themselves through discussion.
Let us always remember that no marriage relationship is devoid of conflict, but if these challenges are properly managed, the marriage is strengthened.
Couples should therefore show commitment to their relationships by working together to resolve problems.
Couples should not wait to have serious problems for them to start talking, they should discuss issues early before they get entrenched, before resentment and emotions build up.
Always select a good time to talk about the problem. Open up to each other. Make eye contact, touch or hold hands as you talk about your problem.
Maturely explain the problem and speak your mind on what you think or feel without injuring your partner. Use positive communication and express strong feelings appropriately.
Remember to give each other a chance to express oneself in a respectful manner.
Do not speak at the same time as this may turn into a bitter argument. Take turns to talk and listen from each other. Listen well enough to understand your partner’s perspective.
Go beyond what he/she is saying verbally to understand what he/she is communicating emotionally. Ask questions to clarify what he/she is saying. Ask non-defensive questions to elicit non-defensive responses.
Your partner is not the person you need to attack. Deal with the problem, muster positive disposition, and respond calmly to deal with the problem because your spouse is not the problem. State your opinion, express your feelings, concerns and needs calmly. Have a calm tone of voice and positive body language.
Make the problem small by always working together at getting to the root of the problem. Together, search for solutions and consider each other’s views and make sure you find a way to resolve it and arrive at a compromise. Come up with solutions. Select a solution that you are both happy with and can carry out. Be determined to make amends. Resolve to prevent a recurrence.
Shame the devil, as he is the enemy to your marriage. Make up and move on with your marriage. Show remorse and apologise where necessary. Forgiveness is always above mistake. Always end by re-affirming your love for each other and re connect.
Lastly, I wish to remind couples to work towards seeing their partner happy. Help your spouse to be happy and create a home that is loving and peaceful. Make his/her happiness your concern and do it well. A happy home is always created by how well you resolve conflict as husband and wife.
For questions and contributions, email me on or follow me on Facebook or LinkedIn at Emmanuel Mukula.

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