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How finances wreck marriages

Love & Life Issues with EMMANUEL MUKULA
MOST people are experiencing stress in their marriages because of finances. The issue of finances even beats the problem of cheating.
There are various steps that couples can take to avoid letting money matters get the best of their marriage. Now, whether you’re about to say “I do” or already married, I hope this article can help you prevent money from destroying your relationship.

For most couples that I counsel, the number one mistake they make is spending too much on the wedding. Most couples can’t afford a wedding, so they end up in debt on just a one-day celebration. For many young couples, loans and advances at work are drowning them in debt and now fight over the same. Those with little money should do something smaller or find other ways to make the wedding more affordable and save up to settle down in their new home as a couple.

Fully disclosing your financial situation with your partner before tying the knot is a must, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be. This is the time to mention the debts, loans, income sources, investments and other financial assets or obligations that you have. If you’re already married and still withholding this information, now is the time to bring it up.
It is also very important to have an understating of how your spouse views money and how they were raised concerning the issue of money. One needs to know whether their spouse was brought up in a home where the parents were either big spenders or not. It is also important to know whether your spouse was brought up in a home were finances were freely discussed. Basically, your partner’s perception of money is dependent on how one was brought up.
You need to have a household budget that matches what you make as a couple. It’s the most effective way to keep track of your money. Budgeting may seem tedious, but having one can yield significant benefits.
Oneness in marriage means openness and this should be worked on seriously. Keeping secrets should not be entertained because once your spouse finds out, there is no peace in the home. Such secrets may even lead to divorce.
I suggest a couple not having separate budgets for what each spouse needs. This means an individual does not have to report to the other on what was used with the money.
As a couple, come up with a system and know how much finances are available and how to spend it. It’s important for couples to have some ground rules in place to determine, for instance, what purchases need to be discussed ahead of time or what the reasonable spending limit is on clothing, kids’ toys, food or other household items and avoid impulse buying.
Treat your spouse as you would want him or her to treat you. This may seem simple and obvious, but it’s something that a lot of couples forget to do, especially when they have been married for a long time.
It’s also alright to complain about something that your partner is doing but it’s not alright to use words that are contemptuous or negative words such as accusing your partner of being irresponsible.
If fights about money have stolen your happiness in marriage and you’re coming close to pulling the plug, consider getting help to get back on track. For some couples, this might be a counsellor or if you’re religious, get help from a church pastor or elders for direction.
For questions and contributions, email: emmymukula@gmail.com or follow me on Facebook: ‘Coach Emmanuel Mukula’.

 

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