GODLY COUNSEL with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
I am a man aged 22, in college andÂ I am in love with a girl I intend to marry. How can I know if she truly loves me?
ANS: Brother, thanks for your text. There many ways you can tell that your partner truly loves you. Due to limited space I will just churn out but a few tips.
Foremost and very important is wether she is there when you need her. Itâ€™s easy to be with someone when everything is fun and the sun is shining.
When life gets rough, though, a woman who really loves you will not say adios and ride off into the sunset. She wants to go through it with you. Thatâ€™s true love.
Sheâ€™s happy for your successes. A woman who celebrates with you when your life goes well has truly invested in you and your future together.
Does she belittle your accomplishments? Thatâ€™s a sign of resentment. Not good.
Communication – she actually means it when she asks how your day went.
A person in love wants to empathize with the object of her affection. Knowing every little detail of your day helps her strengthen connection to you.
She doesnâ€™t infiltrate your stuff. If her love is in doubt, she may find herself looking through your phone or browsing history for excuses to leave you.
But a woman who gives you your privacy is willing to trust you. Trust is one of the strongest signs of love.
She respects you as much as she respects herself. In terms of sexual intimacy she can politely advise you to wait until you are both ready for each other.
Given an understanding that you are still in college studying, she is expected to act as an oasis of inspiration and encouragement until you attain your goals.
Remember, do not allow your relationship to derail you from your studies.Â I wish you all best in your studies and relationship. Blessings!
Why does forgiveness matter in marriage?
When Iâ€™m mad at my husband, I feel superior and I feel okay to keep it that way for some time for him to feel the discomfort.
I try to convince myself that I am right because I am bitter.Â Why does forgiveness matter in marriage?
ANS: Sister, thanks for your text. As a Christian woman, no matter what circumstances may bring your misunderstandings, you do not have to reach the â€˜temperatureâ€™ where you feel superior to your husband.
Scripture offersÂ a picture of forgiveness that is intentional. Multiple times it instructs us to make mending broken relationships a priority, urging us to stop other activities in order to address conflict. (Matthew 5:23-25). It is in the lingering of takins such action that damage occurs.
Withholding forgiveness until we feel better becomes poison in our marriages; and it looks nothing like the love we have been shown.
This is one of those moments when loving someone is hard.
Perhaps we believe we are right. Maybe he has not apologised, or he apologised quickly and we had little time to gnaw.
Maybe we doubt that he truly understood our reasons for being upset, or we donâ€™t want to admit that we might be wrong. And at the end of the day, being mad feels good.
Why does it feel good? Why do wives want to stay mad at her husband?
There are likely a dozen reasons that could be suggested, but here is my honest assessment based on what I hear many women say whenever they are upset with their spouses.
Like you put it yourself, many women feel superior when they are mad at their husbands.
There is a temptation to convince oneself that you are right because you are better even when you are not. It is a horrible lie of self-righteousness that our hearts buy into and it keeps us from loving our spouses well.
God offers us forgiveness as a measure of pure grace. While we were still separated from him, full of sin, he poured out his love and made a way for forgiveness through Christ on the Cross.
From this place, we forgive. Without condition or manipulation, setting aside our pride, we extend to each other the sweet grace that we have received. (Ephesians 2:4-10). Blessings!
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Tip of the week
Marriage: Itâ€™s easy to be with someone when everything is fun and the sun is shining, but when life gets tough stick and go through the storms together as a couple. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile letâ€™s continue interacting via email firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.