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‘Genset for hire’ vs ‘Pastor for hire’

Torn Apart: BOYD PHIRI
I KNOW you are familiar with posters stuck on trees in the hood saying “Genset for hire”, with contact details of the owner in bold print.
When you walk through the streets of the hood, one thing you easily notice is the indiscriminate way such public notices are being pasted on any available tree, except the much-sought after Mukula.
This time around some of these posters in the hood are competing with political advertisements by different parties, except that of United Poor People’s Party president Alex Mulyokela.
Ironically, public notices for Gensets are among those left intact as most political adverts on trees, signposts and walls in the hood have been vandalised by opposing political party supporters.
When it comes to anything that concerns the hood like electricity, public notices advertising Gensets have not been found wanting by cadres.
Perhaps this goes to show how important Gensets have become to residents in the hood as well as cadres across the political divide.
Obviously, with load shedding dealing everyone in the hood a dose of the blues, hired Gensets come in handy.
If anything, cadres too want Gensets to power their sound systems as they broadcast messages to canvass for votes in the August 11 general elections.
I also know that you have come across adverts saying, “Musical equipment for hire”.
Of course, these adverts are not targeting musicians who have jumped on the political bandwagon to come up with political songs and slogans.
Sincerely speaking, I don’t have anything against any musician who has sold his ideas to bigwigs in the political arena. After all, elections come with plenty of money to share.
In case you are also wondering, the equipment is not being hired out by failed DJs in the hood nor some pastors whose keyboards are under-utilised by their praise teams.
But all the same, it is musical equipment worth hiring to residents in the hood, including political parties.
Perhaps this is why some warring political supporters have not defaced such public notices on walls and trees, in case they need more artistes in the political game who would want to hire musical equipment.
But my advice to some artistes is that Alex Mulyokela’s Poor People’s Party is not yet ready to engage them for political songs in case they want to hire musical equipment in the hood and approach him for such undertakings.
But the good news is that whatever their problem is with musical equipment, they should look out for posters in the hood that clearly show where they can hire them.
Cadres have not damaged them like they have done with political adverts pasted everywhere in the hood.
I guess some of you have also seen adverts in the hood saying, “Wedding dresses for hire”.
It is not as if brand new wedding gowns bought by wives-to-be are stolen by their rivals or mothers-in-law a week before their weddings.
Needless to say, planning for wedding involves so much work. How else is one supposed to remember her wedding day without a gown?
Some women who are ready to tie the knot but have a thin budget have the opportunity to hire a wedding gown before the big day.
Perhaps this is why marauding cadres in the hood have also left such posters intact knowing that it is through marriage that cadres and voters are born.
But I am not saying that by hiring wedding gowns brides run the risk of acquiring the specter of divorce and political cadre mentality among youths in the hood.
Traditional doctors who paste posters advertising mtototo (sex boosters) on trees and signposts in the hood have also not been found wanting by cadres.
Posters reading, “Men’s special champion” are still intact. I mean, how else can a cadre show his virility if not for witchdoctors pasting public notices for people to know where to find them?
Posters that advertise enlargement of hips and male genital organs have also been spared by cadres, for obvious reasons of course.
You will also see posters advertising soft loans intact. Of course, cadres need soft loans.
However, the only poster you are yet to see in the hood is one saying, “Pastor for hire”.
In case you are wondering, some pastors in the hood have given themselves to the business of hiring.
I hear some people who have no calling but have the money to start a church are hiring pastors to preach in their churches.
Don’t be surprised if you see a congregation in the hood changing preachers every Sunday.
This would show you that the hands of the treasurer-cum-owner of the church are in the congregation’s pockets.
Coming back to posters on pastors for hire, I am sure this is the only non-political poster cadres would love to pull down as well.
I know cadres would not want their political parties to hire a pastor to tame them through prayer and stop violence during campaigns.
In short, you now know which posters have been spared by cadres in the streets of the hood. I wish councils could hire cadres to remove all posters on streetlight poles and walls after elections since they have shown us how good they are at ripping other people’s posters.