Columnists Features

Is flirting at work harmless?

Godly Counsel with PASTOR PHILLIP KATAI
Dear Pastor,
Many people consider flirting at work to be harmless, while others openly advocate for flirting to get what you want.  Is it a bad idea, even when both people are single and enjoying the interaction?  I say that as someone who is not necessarily opposed to office romances! And I have seen it turn out well for many couples. What is your comment?
ANS: Madam, thanks for your concerns and request for my comment. Flirting at work is destructive and confusing to the people involved, and often to the people around them as well. Flirting is often misunderstood. It’s a terrible form of communication. It can easily lead to questions about your intentions, credibility, and character, undermining key relationships, and even subjecting you to unwanted advances.
To avoid such dangers, some people work relationships are “strictly business.” I’ve observed some women who adopt a cold, impersonal attitude at work yet these women are warm and caring people. I find this approach counterproductive; it often alienates people. Let’s not forget that as Christians we are ambassadors of God in the workplace. Opening our hearts to and caring about the people we work with is one of the primary ways we can “be like Christ” at work, and it’s actually good for business too.
To be an effective team member or leader, you need to get to know the people you work with, men included, and understand their personalities, strengths, and passions. What’s more, having a friendly and engaged office environment contributes to greater productivity and job satisfaction, and you can’t get there by shutting people out.
Most women, if you’re being honest with yourself, know when the switch is flipped from altruism to attraction and attention-seeking. Pay attention to your own heart, and pray that God would open your eyes to any blind spots. Let Philippians 4:8 be your guide.
We all know of too many men and women whose little flirtations turned to serious affairs, office scandals, unwanted harassment, and even career-ending lawsuits. Remember, it’s easier to say no to flirt when the incident is still in its early stages than it is to correct a bigger problem down the line. Blessings!
*******
My sexual appetite more than hubby
Dear Pastor,
What is wrong with me? Why do I desire sex more than my husband and how can I fix this? I know as a woman I’m not supposed to have such a strong sex drive, but I do. Kindly help.
ANS: Sis thanks for coming through to Godly counsel. Well, well, in a culture that screams, “Men are the only ones wanting sex!” often women are left wondering if their desires are valid, and what to do with them. While each couple is certainly unique, here is my opinion for handling a difference in sex drive between you and your husband:
Believe it or not, it isn’t a rule or biblical mandate that men have to be the ones with the stronger sex drive. It is fine to be the wife and also have the stronger sex drive in your marriage. (see Paul’s advice in I Corinthians 7:3-4). This scripture indicates that both spouses have needs and desires. If you need more proof crack open Song of Solomon and read about the passionate drive the bride had for her husband. She even took her groom outside in the vineyard for a sexual field trip. That sounds like a woman with a sex drive to me! Doesn’t it?
One of the best ways to keep your sexual union growing is communication. If you are feeling rejected or confused due to your husband’s lack of desire, talk to him about it. For most of us men, sexuality is linked to our masculinity and confidence. So prayerfully and carefully share your words. You can start with something like “I just want to talk to you a little bit about our sexual relationship. I really enjoy the intimate times we have together, but I feel as though I desire to have sex more often than we are. What do you think about that?” Blessings!
******
Reader’s response: Man being used by girlfriend
Dear Pastor,
Good morning
I must say I agree totally with you on counsel on a 29 year old man in a relationship with the 33-year-old lady. The response was in the Sunday Mail edition dated July 26, 2015
What is wrong is wrong and sin is sin. It seems this young man has been enjoying the fruits of that sinful relationship and now it has come to a point where he realised he is enslaved. It is not wrong to have a relationship but what you incorporate in the relationship makes a difference.
I must thank you for telling the truth and pointing out sin where it is straight forward. May God give you more wisdom in this counseling area.
From your reader, CN
Dear CN,
Good morning, thank you. I wish to seize this opportunity to appreciate you for coming through to Godly Counsel. Your sentiments, contribution and encouragement will help propel this column to higher heights. Blessings!
******
Dear Pastor,
May God bless you for the job you’re doing. I am a lady aged 33 looking for a man to settle down with, aged 33-42, positive living with one or two kids in formal employment. Cell 0954-044006
Dear Pastor,
I am a single man aged 42 looking for beautiful serious single lady without children to marry aged 22-33, no time wasters. Call or text 0975-775035.
Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 39 with no child, looking for a lady aged 27-34 with no child to marry. Interested call or text 0964-131111.
Dear Pastor,
I am looking for a lady to marry who is also HIV+ aged 35-40 with two children. Sms or call 0955-094790.
Dear Pastor,
I am a man aged 50, with three children looking for a serious lady to marry aged 38-45, God-fearing, nurse or teacher. Call 0955-770419
Dear Pastor,
I am positively living man aged 36 looking for serious lady aged 25-34. Call 0966-779066. Thanks to Love lines. God bless.
Dear Pastor,
I am a young man aged 24 looking for a lady aged 19-21, serious only. Text or call 0954-245919.
******
Tip of the week
Believe it or not, it isn’t a rule or biblical mandate that men have to be the ones with the stronger sex drive. Take a deep breath and realise God’s freedom is for both spouses to have desire within marriage. ( I Corinthians 7:3-4). Blessings!
Comments and question email pkatai@yahoo.com or thabokatai@gmail.com. Text 0955/0967-778068

Facebook Feed

Ad1