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Find yourself before you go looking for love

Life & Life Issues with EMMANUEL MUKULA
THE truth is that everyone wants to find love.
We all want that love that usually takes the form of monogamous love marriages.
In other words, finding one person you are more in love with than anyone else, and deciding to live your lives together as a family. There are a lot of people out there searching for that one to settle down with.
But the problem is thAt the very act of searching for that person makes it harder for you to find ‘the one’.
We don’t get married for the sake of getting married. Getting married isn’t like starting a business.
Marriage is itself a celebration of a special relationship two people have. If you don’t have that special relationship, there’s no point in getting married.
You have to have a great relationship before marriage. I have come to learn that many people who want to get married don’t do this. Instead, they have very serious relationships. Instead of letting their relationships be what they are and letting their partners be who they are, they put a lot of pressure on each other. They try to make their relationships marriage-worthy. But this will never work; either they are, or they aren’t.
The ironic fact is that you can’t create the kind of relationship worth marrying over if you’re trying that hard to get married. This is true even of relationships that aren’t romantic. Every relationship we have as people has its own level. Some people make the best drinking buddies for us while other people make great best friends. Only a tiny, tiny fraction are best as lifelong romantic partners.
When you force any relationship to be something it isn’t, it turns sour. People get into fights, and they aren’t happy to see each other anymore. Better to accept that something is what it is, and move on. So if you want to find love, don’t focus on finding love. Focus on finding yourself doing the things you love, such as trying new hobbies, meeting other people, and allowing a relationship with them to be what it is.
You have got to have a great relationship with yourself and be happy before you go out there to look for love. Even when it comes to marriage, it is what is in us that we have to share with the other person. When we have a great relationship with ourselves, we tend to have a great chance of being happy when in a relationship or marriage.
For questions and contributions, email me on emmymukula@gmail.com or follow me on Facebook or LinkedIn at Emmanuel Mukula.

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