You are currently viewing My father deserted me when I was young

My father deserted me when I was young

Dear Pastor
I need your help. I am woman aged 20. I have been brought up by my mother and stepfather. All along have I have known my stepfather to be my biological father, but a year ago I was introduced to a man who claimed to be my biological father. This man popped up after I completed my grade 12 and now doing some training. Recently, he told me to leave my mother and to start living with him and his wife. He also wants me to change my surname to his as I have been using my step father’s name. My father deserted me when I was a toddler. I ask myself, where was he all this time? I am in a dilemma what shall I do?
ANS: My sister thanks you for sharing. It is good that your father has acknowledged you and wants to establish a relationship, but you already have a Dad. You can make room for him in your life but never abandon your real parents.
In the Bible there is the story of young Jesus who stayed behind in Jerusalem Temple and when Mary and Joseph found Him, He explained that He was doing His Father’s work but consequently went with his earthly parents and was submissive to them. (Luke 2:51). Despite Jesus being the Son of God, he acknowledged and respected His earthly father.
Your step-father is the man that raised you and you must honour him. Your biological father should be respected as an elder but he does not deserve the right to rule over you.
Changing your surname will not automatically replace all the years of absence.
Yes, he is your biological father but you are an adult and his love should not be given with conditions. Blessings!
My husband has been unfaithful; should I quit?

Dear Pastor
I lifted the phone out of my husband’s hands. He was so tired that he’d fallen asleep in bed while texting. I’d come home late from an out-of-town trip to find him in bed. As I went to plug in his phone for the night, I saw a conversation on the screen that took my breath away.
He had been texting a woman, and a quick glance through the messages indicated that there had been more than just a mere relationship. We have been both committed Christians but my husband has been unfaithful. I want to throw in the towel. kindly advise.
ANS: Dear mum, before you throw in the towel, your story isn’t rare. Many couples navigate the realities of infidelity which often rapes the soul of a marriage. (Proverbs 6:32) Trust can also be broken by constant criticism, dishonesty, financial foolishness, or even unguarded conversations with someone of the opposite sex.
Most marriages have likely experienced broken trust in some way, big or small. In the face of infidelity, trust can be restored leading to recovery of marriage. So when trust is broken, how can it be restored? Is it possible to reconnect two hearts that have been broken? Yes, indeed!
While there’s no “one way” to heal a hurting marriage, rebuilding trust requires effort from both parties. Accountability on one side must be balanced with willingness to risk on the other side. That dance may need to go on for years, becoming the new norm in your relationship. The important thing is that you should be both willing to put forth the necessary effort.
So what does that look like practically? Your husband as a committed Christian should stop fighting with God. With the help of your clergy be assisted to fight a good fight of faith by taking a first step – repenting, surrendering himself fully to God. And later, recommit to your marriage and move back home. Blessings!
My wife, my friend exchanging love messages
Dear Pastor
I am a man aged 48 with three children. I lost my wife in 2003 and only remarried five years ago. Last week I found 16 intimate messages on my wife’s phone, when I asked her about them, she remained mute. After I did my investigations, I discovered that those messages were coming from a friend of mine who usually comes home to see me. How do I handle the situation because I am ready to manhandle the chap and send my wife packing?
ANS: Brother, this is a very difficult situation. (Ezekiel 16:32). I suspect your wife was not ready for the responsibilities of a family and so fell to the temptation of being a girlfriend.
Your friend is not good at all and I cannot imagine how you are able to live with two people close to you betraying you in such a manner.
Violence is not an answer, so do not even attempt that option. I believe that you went through your wife’s messages because you had suspicions.
God can help turn any situation around, and so I would encourage you to seek counselling from Church elders and establish the needs of your wife and address them. As for your friend, cut all ties. Blessings!
Thank you pastor

Dear Pastor,
I have been reading your Godly counsel. I just wish to thank you for a great job you are doing. I have been following your Godly wise counsel. You are really an inspiration to many! God bless you as you continue doing good, for the world! Best wishes for the New Year to you and your family. Blessings! Jane Mulenga – Kapiri-mposhi.
Dear Jane
Thank you for your encouragement. It is wonderful to know that you have been following Godly Counsel and that you are being blessed. Choicest wishes from above and happy New Year to you and family!
Love lines:
Dear Pastor,
I am a single man aged 30 looking for a lady to marry. Call 0961-630389.
Dear Pastor,
I hope you are fine. I am a man aged 20 looking for lady aged 18-20. Those who are interested call me on 0964-659544.
Dear Pastor,
My regards and happy festive season to you pastor. I am a lady aged 35 looking for serious man to marry and no time wasters. 0976-002217.
Dear Pastor,
I am a woman aged 32 mother of two looking for a marriage partner aged 38-45, must also have children, God fearing and in formal employment or stable business. Contact: 0954-680842.
Tip of the week
Marriage: To heal a hurting marriage, rebuilding trust requires effort from both parties. Accountability on one side must be balanced with willingness to risk on the other side. Blessings!
More answers in the next edition and ensure you get a copy every Sunday. Meanwhile let’s continue interacting via email or or sms 0967/0955-778068. Emailing is encouraged for quick response.